Edge of town Jokes

Redneck Nativity Scene

In a small Southern town, there was a “Nativity Scene” that showed the great skill and talent which had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me, however. The three wise men were all wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You darn Yankees…

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The Nativity Scene

A visitor in a small Southern town comes across a beautiful Nativity scene. It was obvious that great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothers the man – the three wise men are wearing firefighters helmets. Unable to come up with a reason or an explanation, the visitor gets in his car and heads out of town. At a Quik Stop on the edge of town, he stops and asks the lady behind the counter…

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Real Quaker

One day a very tall, well-dressed man entered a small-town, general store in the South. He was so distinctively dressed that it was obvious to the clerk that this man was a Quaker. He was dressed in black and wore that hat just like the Quaker Oats guy wears. Well, the clerk had never before seen a real live Quaker, let alone talked to one. When the man reached the counter with his selections, the clerk could hardly contain himself.…

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Bushisms, pt 1

“I don’t want nations feeling like that they can bully ourselves and our allies. I want to have a ballistic defense system so that we can make the world more peaceful, and at the same time I want to reduce our own nuclear capacities to the level commiserate with keeping the peace.” ?Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 23, 2000 “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”?LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000 “If I’m the president, we’re going to…

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How to Satisfy a Man

How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time Lick, paw, ogle, caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, dig, floralize, feed, laminate, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, bark, purr, hug, baste, marinate, coddle, excite, pacify, tattoo, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, tunnel, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, ululate, trust, dip, twirl, dive,…

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The Bronze Rat

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. “Twelve dollars for the rat, sir,” says the shop owner, “and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.” “You can keep the story, old man,” he replies, “but I’ll take…

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Mr.Perfect

An associational minister arrived one Sunday morning in a small, rural town. The local minister had invited the visiting minister to help with a local problem. “Everyone here thinks they are just perfect!” said the local minister. “Could you preach a sermon that will bring them back to their senses?” The associational minister was a very gifted speaker, most eloquent with words and very knowledgeable about the Scriptures. He spoke for nearly an hour, convincing everyone that they, too, were…

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Disgusting Records

Share your knowledge of these “world records” with your friends, relatives and associates during dinner: MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July, 1991. LONGEST PUBES Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina. MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina. (This isn’t all…

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ADVENTUROUS GIRL

One evening, Charlie was feeling pretty light-headed from a couple of boilermakers when he rang the bell of the most expensive cat-house in town. “How ya doin’”, he said when the madam answered the door. “I want your mos’ adventurous girl.” The madam ushered him inside and sat him down. “You have to be a little more specific”, she said. “What do you mean by ‘adventurous’?” “Well when I’ve had a couple a lil drinks, sometimes I have a tough…

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