Drive in the country Jokes

HILLARY’S DRIVER

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a cow ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it, but couldn’t–the cow was killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar…

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Technology for country folk

Technology for Country Folk… 1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter. 2. LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood. 3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove. 4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk. 5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood. 6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood. 7. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood. 8. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time. 9. PROMPT: Whut…

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Country doctor

A troupe of traveling actors had taken the long bus ride from Pittsburgh to Detroit where they were scheduled to perform Hamlet that night. Derek Drake, the handsome leading man, must have been sitting in a draft because when they arrived in Detroit just six hours before the Sunday night performance, he had a scratchy throat and laryngitis. Tracy Towers, the troupe’s leading lady, frantically began phoning doctors listed in the yellow pages, but all she got were answering machines.…

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‘North Country’ Humor from Minnesota

Ole, Lena and Sven were lost in the woods of Northern Minnesota and were becoming desperate, having run out of food several days ago. It was winter, the snow was deep, their situation was looking very bleak. When Ole dug down into the snow to look for nuts, he found an oil lamp and upon rubbing it to get the snow off, a genie came out. The genie says, “I am da great genie of Nordern Minnesooota and I can…

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Blonde & Sheep

A blonde dyed her hair jet black so that people would think she was smarter. It seemed to work. People treated her with more respect, and she even felt smarter. To celebrate, she took a drive in the country. She spotted a field full of sheep, and got out to take a look. She found the farmer and said, ” These things are so cute, and soft. What are they?” “Uh, they’re sheep, miss,” he replied. “If I can tell…

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Running a Red Light

A police officer in his car sees a driver out in the open turn on a red light. The cop drives up to the car right away, pulls it over and walks to the driver, seeing that it was a foreigner. “That was a red light over there.” She replied, “I know, so?” “Well, in this country, you can’t turn on a red light.” “But the sign said no right turns on red so I made a left.”

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The Cunning Miser!

Once upon a time in US of A, there was a stingy asshole, Mr.XYZ who used to never pay the driver for the cab he had hired; he just tells the driver that his cab won’t face any problems for a couple of months and that he will pray for the well-being of the cab-driver and his family. So all the cab drivers got together and vowed that who so ever takes Mr.XYZ for a ride and does not get…

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Bubba

There was a man named Bubba who knew EVERYONE in the whole world!!! Once when Bubba got a new job, Bubba says to his new boss, “Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!” His boss doesn’t believe him, so he says “No, you do not know everyone in the whole world,” but Bubba says “Yes I do!” So Bubba’s boss says “Well prove it!” Then Bubba says, “Pick someone… and I know them!” Well Bubba’s boss thinks for a…

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Advice to Northerners..ya’ll

“This is to hep yu’all who don’t have the plesur of livin in the sunny South, which is sometimes covered in ice! Those who do, will wunder why these wus ever wrote down in the furst place.” Sayings in the South: “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. “It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.” “Have a cup of coffee, it’s already ‘saucered and blowed.” “It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.” “My…

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Siamese Twins

One sunny Tuesday afternoon, in a bar in Normandy, France, a Barman notices two guys sitting in the corner leaning on each other. The Barman, feelng a bit homophobic, goes over to these two and says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t accept gay people in this bar! There is a lovely gay bar down the road if you are interested!” The couple look angry and one replies, “I’m sorry to tell you, but we are not gay! We are in…

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