Dr johnson Jokes

Funny Stories

Always Check the Address

This came out of the Des Moines Sunday Register…. Here is a little reminder on how important it is to type that e-mail address correctly. A Wisconsin businessman traveled to Louisiana on a business trip. Upon arrival, he immediately plugged his laptop into the hotel room port, and sent a short e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer Johnson, at her e-mail address:[email protected]. Unfortunately, in his haste, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to: [email protected]. Jean…

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Politics

Dr. Suessing Clinton & Starr (Revisited)

Mr Starr: I am Starr. Starr I are. I’m a brilliant barri-star. I’m here to ask, as you’ll soon see, Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky? Did you grope her in your house? Did you grope beneath her blouse? Did she give you gifts and ties? And were you spied by prying eyes? Mr Clinton: I did not do that here or there! I did not do that anywhere! I did not do that in a chair! I went not near…

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Blonde

Blonde reunion

A blonde was sitting at a bar getting drunk. Another blonde who was also quite drunk stumbled up to her and said, “You look familiar. Are you from around here?” “Why yes,” said the first blonde, “I grew up here.” “I did too,” said the first blonde, “let’s have a drink to the best town in the world!” Down they pour a drink. So, the first blonde says, “I guess that means you went to Johnson High School here? I…

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True Stories, Yo Mama

(True) Bloopers from Church Bulletins

These are true stories supposedly… * Don’t let worry kill you- let the church help. * Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. * Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. * For those of you who have children and didn’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. * The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs.…

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Medical, Wedding

THE CURE

Frank has been feeling poorly lately…depressed, stressed, nervous, argumentative. His wife Estelle, who is by now pretty stressed out herself, finally persuades him to make an appointment with their family doctor, to which she accompanies him. After the physical, while Frank is getting dressed again in the examination room, the doctor takes Estelle into his office. “Mrs. Johnson,” says the doctor, “I’m afraid Frank’s stress has affected his heart and blood pressure. I think we have to be prepared to…

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Funny Stories

Best Emergency Room Stories

Believe Them…Or Not AUGUSTA, ME – Four people were injured in a string of bizarre accidents. Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick’s first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work and,…

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Funny Stories

Baby Boomers — Then and Now

Then: Killer Weed Now: Weed Killer Then: Being caught w/Hustler magazine Now: Being caught BY Hustler magazine Then: The Grateful Dead Now: Dr. Kevorkian Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint Now: Getting a new hip joint Then: Moving to California because it’s cool Now: Moving to California because it’s warm Then: Peace Sign Now: Mercedes Logo Then: OJ, cutting & slashing Now: OJ, cutting & slashing Then: Long hair Now: Longing for hair Then: Acid rock Now: Acid…

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Religious, Yo Mama

Grandpa Clueless

Grandma walks into the laundry where she sees gramps with one hand pulling “Mr.Johnson” right out straight on the ironing board. In his other hand he has a can and is spraying that “one eyed wonder worm” for all it is worth. Grandma screams, “Just what the hell do you think you are doing with my starch?” “It’s ok, hon,” says gramps, “I heard on TV to keep it hard I should use Niagara.” Granny just sighed and shook her…

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Office

3 Envelopes Of Advice

Mr. Johnson had been chosen by the board of a large software company as CEO. On the first day he took office as CEO, Mr. Johnson received three numbered envelopes and a note from the former CEO. In the note, the former CEO wished his successor good luck in running the company. Furthermore, the former CEO explained that he left these three envelopes containing advice. Each envelope should only be opened in the event of a crisis the company would…

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Funny Stories

Another Old Cigar

This drunken old yahoo staggers into a bar with a frightened look on his face. “I need a drink right away!” The bartender asked what was wrong and the drunk explained, “I was on the street corner ‘paddling the pickle’ when a truck came by, grazed it, and knocked it out of my hand.” The bartender couldn’t beleive what he was hearing but the drunk swore it was true. “You see,” the drunk slurred, “I found it laying by the…

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