Calm doctor
Why does a doctor need to control his temper? Because he doesn’t want to lose his patients!
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Doctor need Jokes
Late Doctor’s Appointment
Mrs. Jones called the doctor’s office and was met with this response by the secretary. “This is Dr. Whitman’s office. What would you like to talk about?” Mrs. Jones was disturbed by this response and replied, sarcastically, “I want to order a hamburger with fries. For goodness sakes, why would I call a doctor if I didn’t feel sick? I’m very sick. I need to see the doctor.” “Fine,” replied the secretary, “I can make an appointment for you. Let…
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Country doctor
A troupe of traveling actors had taken the long bus ride from Pittsburgh to Detroit where they were scheduled to perform Hamlet that night. Derek Drake, the handsome leading man, must have been sitting in a draft because when they arrived in Detroit just six hours before the Sunday night performance, he had a scratchy throat and laryngitis. Tracy Towers, the troupe’s leading lady, frantically began phoning doctors listed in the yellow pages, but all she got were answering machines.…
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Permits Needed
A lady from California purchased a piece of timberland in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points on the tract. She wanted to get a good view of the land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable…
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Who started this?
A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world’s first professional. The Doctor said, “It must have been a doctor. Who else could have helped with the world’s first surgery of taking a rib from Adam to create Eve, the first woman?” “No,” said the rabbi. “It must have been a rabbi, since the Lord needed someone to help preach his message to Adam and the world.” “Wait,” said the engineer. “The world was…
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St. Peter and the HMO Executive
A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks them what good they have done in their lives. The doctor says, “I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for and healing thousands of people. St. Peter replies, “That’s great. Go ahead into heaven. And what about you?” The nurse states,…
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Sherlock Holmes
One evening, Dr. Watson paid an unexpected call on Holmes. “Is he expecting you?” asked the housekeeper. “No,” said Watson, “but I just need to speak with him for a minute.” “I don’t know what he’s up to,” said the housekeeper, “but he left very strict instructions not to be disturbed until nine o’clock”. “I’ll wait downstairs in the library,” replied Watson. A few minutes later, Watson heard the unmistakable sound of girlish laughter coming from the detective’s bedroom, followed…
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Pardon Me!
A flat-chested blonde wanted to have her breasts enlarged but she did not want to undergo surgery. So she consulted a witch doctor who gave her a pill to swallow. After swallowing the pill, the blonde was told by the witch doctor that what she had swallowed was a magic pill. Everytime a man would say the word ‘pardon’ to her, her breasts would grow an inch bigger. After leaving the office of the witch doctor, the blonde bumped into…
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Surgery is No Pun
Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on. “I’m about to close,” the surgeon says. The patient grabs the surgeon’s hand and says, “I’m not going to let you do that! I’ll close my own incision!” The doctor hands him the needle and thread and says, “Suture self.”
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Surd Special
A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife is hard of hearing. The doctor suggests that he bring her in for an examination, but the man says she won’t come in. Man asks the doctor if there is something he can do. The doctor tells him to go home, and say something to his wife from far away, then keep moving closer until she hears him. When he discovers how close he needs to be for his…
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