Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A man was walking through the park when he noticed a woman crying her heart out. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Schultz is dead! Schultz is dead! Boo hoo hoo!” the woman sobbed. Since he did not know who Schultz was, the man moved on. Then he came upon another woman crying. “Schultz is dead!” wailed this woman. The man just went on his way. Along the way, he met another woman crying. Then another. And another. And another. All of…
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Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in business we often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following: 1. Buying a stronger whip. 2. Changing riders. 3. Say things like, “This is the way we have always ridden this horse.” 4. Appointing a committee to study the horse. 5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses. 6. Increasing the…
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FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software. I want to die while asleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. I can’t dial NINE-ELEVEN in an emergency, because there’s no ELEVEN on my phone. Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names. What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free? Can you yell “MOVIE!” in a crowded fire station? If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy? To vacillate…
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ONE- Foreplay is not a privilege; it is a birthright. TWO- If you take her out to a fancy restaurant, don’t try to subtly steer her away from the lobster, Diamond Jim. THREE- Quit blowing smoke up women’s asses about the sanctity and power they possess as life-givers and come up with some decent affordable child care. That way, maybe poor single mothers can go to work and get off welfare, and we won’t have to listen to any more…
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The 5 questions most feared by men are: 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that everyone is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along…
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THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 bourbon 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox AGE SEDUCTION LINE 17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for the weekend. 66 My second wife is dead. AGE FAVORITE SPORT 17 sex 25 sex 35 sex 48 sex 66 napping AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 tongue…
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“I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “Let’s take your car.” Really means…. “Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas.” “Woman driver.” Really means…. “Someone who doesn’t speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me.” “I don’t care what color you paint the kitchen.”…
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There were two Irish men and a blonde walking in the jungle and they came across a man who told them they could have any one thing and would be thrown in a hole for ten years with a ten year supply of that one thing. So the first Irish man asked for a ten year supply of Irish whisky and was thrown in a hole. The second Irish man asked for a ten year supply of Irish whisky too…
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Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. “Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews. Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.” Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire.” Problem: “Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.” Solution: “Autoland not installed on this aircraft.” Problem #1: “#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.” Solution #1: “#2 Propeller seepage normal.” Problem #2: “#1, #3, and #4 propellers…
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I, the undersigned, a male proposing marriage agree that? Section 1. In the likely event of my not giving you an orgasm, will keep on going, despite my lack of stamina and size until you have been satisfied. Section 1.01. I?ll behave myself in a mature manner and fight the temptation to scream ?Who?s your daddy? and grunt like a sea lion. Section 1.02. I will never complain about too much foreplay. Section 2. I fully understand that a man?s…
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