Curses Jokes

Little Johnny Curses

One Sunday at church, as little Johnny was leaving, the preacher heard him say a curse word. The preacher stopped him and said “Son, every time I hear you say a curse word, it sends chills down my spine.” “Well,” Little Johnny replied, “If you had been at my house yesterday when daddy slammed his finger in the door, you would be frozen!”

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When you’re REALLY drunk

A man walks into the front door of a tavern, obviously drunk. He staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, belches, and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink and could not be served additional alcohol at this bar, and would he like a cab to be called for him. The drunk is briefly surprised, then quietly grumbles as he gets…

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Falwell’s Witch-Bitch to the Pentagon

Rev. Falwell sees news reports that the military allows practicing witches in the Army. Incensed, he calls a top Pentagon general demanding that witchcraft not be tolerated in the military. “Good Christians pray to God for this Country. For all you know, these damn witches are casting Satanic curses.” “Sorry, Reverend…” the General replied, “we just can’t discriminate on the basis of hex!”

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HIS and HERS Road Trip

HERS: 1. Pulls off at wrong exit. 2. Opens window 3. Asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer 4. Arrives at destination presently. HIS: 1. Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it’s the correct one. 2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he’s right. 3. Drives an extra 5 miles just in case. 4. finally rolls down window 5. hocks a loogie 6. pulls up to a 7-11 7. gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky…

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The Melissa Virus Strikes At The White House

Carrying the presidential laptop computer, a White House staffer walks into the Oval Office and announces, “Bad news, Mr. President. You’ve got the Melissa Virus.” An exasperated Clinton curses, gets up from his chair and promptly drops his pants. “Well, don’t just stand there!” Clinton yells. “Get the doctor in here to give me a shot and get it over with. Damn that topless dancer from Jersey!”

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Would You?

Joe: Why don’t you play golf with Bob anymore? Mike: Would you play with someone who curses after each shot, cheats in the bunkers and enters false scores on his card? Joe: No, of course not! Mike: Neither will Bob.

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