Crash landing Jokes

Crash landing

There were a bunch of people on a plane. The pilot comes on and says: “The plane is having engine failure, we’re going to have to make a crash landing.” Everyone was silent. Suddenly, a lady jumps up, takes off all her clothes onto the floor and yells: “Is there anyone here who could make me feel like the woman I was meant to be?!?” For a while, nothing happened. Then a man jumps up, takes off all his clothes…

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The Golden Fiddle

A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a farmer’s field. The farmer took the pilot back to the farmhouse, where the pilot noticed the farmer had a golden fiddle hanging above the fireplace. The two men were standing there talking when the farmers wife came down the steps. The pilot couldn’t believe how beautiful she was. He asked the farmer, “How can you trust her to be here by herself all day, while you go out and…

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Rules of Flying

I will be flying tomorrow, so let’s take a look at these RULES OF THE AIRWAYS: Takeoff’s are optional. Landings are MANDATORY. Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous. Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky. The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire. Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. LANDING is the first! Everyone knows a “good” landing is one from which you…

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Why we fly

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make their announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…” “We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wings.” “Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person…

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Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

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I Need A Specimen

Danny McGuire came home from work to find his lovely bride sitting in the living room still in her bathrobe. “Kate, my wife,” he says, “whatever is the matter? Yer still in yer robe.” “Ah Danny,” says she, “tis poorly I’m feeling. I didn’t know what to do so I called Doc McDonald. ‘I’ll need a specimen,’ he says and hung up. Danny, I don’t know what a specimen is.” “Ah lass, I don’t know either, but if you high…

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