Crack Jokes

After 77 Years, Scientists Finally Crack Jackson Pollock’s ‘Number 1A’ Paint Mystery, Discover It’s the ‘Bad Blue’ Banned by Environmentalists

Well, would you look at that! After a mere 77 years, dedicated art historians and scientists have finally identified the specific blue pigment used in Jackson Pollock’s iconic 1948 masterpiece, ‘Number 1A’. ? Talk about a slow reveal! But here’s the kicker: the ‘manganese blue’ pigment they so painstakingly traced? Turns out it was phased out for environmental reasons. So, basically, they spent decades unraveling a great art mystery just to find out Pollock was dripping with a color that…

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Read JokeAfter 77 Years, Scientists Finally Crack Jackson Pollock’s ‘Number 1A’ Paint Mystery, Discover It’s the ‘Bad Blue’ Banned by Environmentalists

Helen Keller cracks

Q.)What did Helen Keller’s parents do when she was bad? A.) They rearranged the furniture! Q.) What did Helen Keller’s parents do when she was really bad? A.) The stomped on her Braille books with golf shoes! Q.) What did Helen Keller’s parents do when she was really really bad? A.) They left the plunger in the toilet! Q.) Why couldn’t Helen Keller drive? A.) She was a woman!

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Free Advice from Kids

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick, age 10 2. When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him. – Michael, 14 3. Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. – Michael, 14 4. Stay away from prunes. – Randy, 9 5. Never pee on an electric fence. – Robert, 13 6. Don’t squat with your spurs on. – Noronha, 13 7. Don’t pull dad’s finger when he tells…

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A Very Brave Soldier, Indeed

A Navy Admiral, a Marine General and an Army General were having some drinks at the officer’s club in a major military base. After a few rounds of iced tea, the Navy Admiral boasted, “You know, the Navy has the bravest fighting men ever to serve in the Armed Forces. I can prove it to you all.” Before the others could protest, the Admiral proceeded to phone his headquarter and asked for the best Navy Seal in his command to…

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Fishin’ for Trouble

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside…

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Daddy’s too fat

One night Little Jimmy couldn’t sleep, so he goes and walks to his parents room. The door was opened up a crack. Little Jimmy looks in and sees his mother on top of the father bouncing up and down. So Little Jimmy, thinking they were busy, he went back to his bed and went to sleep. The next morning, Little Jimmy asks his mother why she was bouncing up and down on Daddy. Suprised of what her son had said,…

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Read JokeDaddy’s too fat

The Ventriloquist

This ventriloquist was playing a club and happened to crack a series of jokes about hillbillies. His dander rising, one young man in the club finally stood and said, “Hey, Ah’m gettin’ tired of these here jokes. Not all of us is dumb, y’know.” The flustered ventriloquest appologized, “It was all in jest, sir. Please don’t take it so seriously!” “Shaddup,” snarled the hillbilly, “Ain’t talkin’ to you. I’m talking to that wood fella on yar knee.”

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List O’ Sick Jokes

Q. Whats the definition of disgusting? A. Stuffing a dozen oysters into your granny’s pussy and sucking out thirteen. Q. What’s the hardest thing about eating a vegetable? A. Getting her out of the wheelchair! Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A. Slow down and use a lubricant. Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again! Q. Why do men pay…

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15 Yo Mama’s

1) Yo momma’s so fat she’s got more crack than Harlem! 2) Yo momma’s so stupid she tried to take a Chia pet for a walk! 3) Yo momma’s so stupid she thought Hamburger Helper came with somebody! 4) Yo momma’s arm pits are so hairy she looks like she has Don King in a headlock! 5) Yo momma’s so cheap she charged admission to the Thanksgiving dinner! 6) Yo momma’s so stupid she tried to study for a blood…

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More of ‘You might be a redneck’

You might be a Redneck if you think the Nutcracker is something you do off the highdive. You might be a Redneck if someone hollers “Hoedown” and your girlfriend falls to the floor. You might be a Redneck if you own a home that is mobile and 14 cars that aren’t. If you have been married 3 times and you still have the same in-laws, you might be a Redneck. If your grandma can properly execute the Sleeper hold. You…

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Read JokeMore of ‘You might be a redneck’