Courtroom Jokes

Courtroom Disruptions

A man is standing trial for the alleged murder of his wife. The presiding judge is reading the charges to the accused. The judge reads, “You are hereby accused of first degree murder for killing your wife by crushing her skull with a hammer…” Just then a male voice from among the courtroom spectators says, “Bloody bastard!” The judge pauses to see who has said that and then he resumes, “How do you plead?” The accused says, “Not guilty, your…

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Read JokeCourtroom Disruptions

Courtroom quotes :)

Unbelievable, but these are from a book called “Disorder in the Court.” These are things people actually said in court, word for word: Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. ————————————————— Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ————————————————— Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your…

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Read JokeCourtroom quotes :)

Courtroom Door

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.” He looked toward the courtroom door.…

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Read JokeCourtroom Door

The Cross-Examination

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial — it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer who responded to the scene. Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir,…

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Read JokeThe Cross-Examination

A New House Bill

Introducing a House Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys PC 370.00 370.01 -Any person with a valid State Rodent or Snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport (non-commercial) purposes. 370.02 -Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited. 370.03 -The willful targeting of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in…

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Read JokeA New House Bill

A warning from the judge

The Old Witness A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial — a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You…

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Read JokeA warning from the judge