Court judge Jokes - page 3

Quid Pro Quote

After his motion to suppress evidence was denied by the court, the attorney spoke up, “Your Honor,” he said, “what would you do if I called you a stupid, degenerate, old fool?” The Judge, now also angered, replied, “I would hold you in contempt of court and seek to have you suspended from practicing before this court ever again!” “What if I only THOUGHT it?” asked the attorney. “In that case, there is nothing I could do. You have the…

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Wisdom of Solomon

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble that they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom, decreed, “I’ll hear from everyone, starting with the oldest first.” The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

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Incident on a Crosstown Bus

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. On the fourth move, the man burst out laughing! She complained to the driver and had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself.…

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Listen to Poppa

Angelina and Giuseppi were standing before the judge in divorce court. Angelina says: “Your Honor, we beena marry 25 years ana Giuseppi he’s always picka his nose ana when we maka love, he’s a never letsa me on top. I just canna taka dis no more.” The judge listens solemnly, then addresses Giuseppi. “Giuseppi, isa dis true? You always a picka your nose, and you never let Angelina on top? What you gotta say fora yourself, eh?” Giuseppa says, “Well,…

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bad mother fucker from down the street.

One day this lady bought her son a radio for 500 dollars. The lady told her son not to take it outside because somebody might take it. He said, “No one’s going to take it.” His mom said, “If they do, tell them you’re the bad mother fucker from down the street, and you’ll kick their ass from street to street.” So he was walking in Chicago and some gang bangers were in the park. They said: “Hey boy, let…

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A Condition of Probation

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I’ll see you back in court Monday.” Monday, the two guys were in…

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