Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches. “Can I help you, Sir?” “Yesssh! Ssssshomebody ssshtole my car!” the man replies. The cop asks, “Where was the car the last time you saw it?” “It wassss at the end of thissss key!” the man answers. About that time, the officer looks down and sees that the man’s “thing” is hanging out of…
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Top Ten Signs You’ve Bought A Bootleged Copy of Titanic… 10. Instead of Leonardo DiCaprio, it’s some guy named “Leocarpo Dinardio.” 9. Movie ends; boat doesn’t sink. 8. You’re pretty sure the original version didn’t include a guy smoking weed in the front row. 7. Since when did Celine Dion’s theme song begin with “Love…exciting and new…” 6. It’s rated X, and the first three letters of the title are suspiciously capitalized. 5. Stella won’t get into a lifeboat without…
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A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car. The man says, “What’s the problem officer?” Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ticket you. Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60. Wife: Oh, Harry. You…
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ARIES You tend to be a headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don’t give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn’t care less. You’re the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding. TAURUS Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you’re bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss. GEMINI Your star sign denotes an air of duality in…
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One day an old man named Ralph went driving on his favorite highway. Twenty minutes into the trip, he looks in his rear-view mirror only to see flashing lights of the state police. Ralph pulls the car to the side of the road and the cop follows him onto the berm. “License and Registration, please,” said the cop. After looking at the license for a minute, the cop asks Ralph if he knows why he pulled him over. Ralph replies,…
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With Viagra being such a hit, Pfizer is introducing a new line of drugs aimed at improving the performance of women in today’s society: DRIVEAGRA: One dose of this drug prior to leaving on a car trip will eliminate the woman’s constant compulsion to critique a man’s driving ability. Allows her to understand that she cannot drive from the passenger seat. MEMORAGRA: One tablet taken daily allowed 95% of women tested the ability to forget things their husbands said or…
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Things you shouldn’t say to a cop Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. And that hooker I met at the AIDS clinic said you were a nice guy. Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job! That uniform makes your ass look really big. Excuse me. Is “stick up” hyphenated? I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer. You don’t happen…
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It has become pretty obvious to me that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them. When I’m out driving around I’ll see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose I’ll even see a ram. Up the street from me there’s some twins, but I don’t see them much. The rest of these things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions, or scorpions,…
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A policeman was driving around in his patrol car. After he pulled off an expressway, he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, and he noticed someone at a KFC fast food place getting into his car. They guy had placed a bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car. So the policeman decided to pull him over and perform a community service…
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Q. Why did the blond steal the cop car? A. Because it had 911 on the side of it and she thought it was a Porsche.
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