Car door Jokes

If AOL Made Cars…

1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer. 2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player. 3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later. 4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars. 5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and…

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Locked Car

A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she’s low on gas, so she stops at the next station. While she’s pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So, when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so she can attempt to open the door herself. She goes outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant goes outside to see how the blonde…

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What Make Car

The woman in the bar noticed the man’s zipper was unzipped. She told him his garage door was open. So smarty pants said, zipping up, “Did you notice that long red Cadillac in my garage?” And she replied, “No, but I noticed the little Volkswagen with two flat tires.”

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Car name acronyms

ACURA -Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile AMC -All Makes Combined AMC -A Major Cost AMC -A Mutated Car AMC -A Moron’s Car AMC -Another Major Catastrophe AUDI -Accelerates Under Demonic Influence AUDI -All Unsafe Designs Implemented AUDI -Another Ugly Duetsche Invention AUDI -Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence AUDI -Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc. BMW -Babbling Mechanical Wench BMW -Beastly Monsterous Wonder BMW -Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels BMW -Beautiful Mechanical Wonder BMW -Barely Moving Wreck BMW -Big Money Waste BMW -Big Money. Why?…

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You Don’t Scare Me!!!

Church was full one Sunday morning and the preacher was giving a powerful sermon about Heaven and Hell. All of a sudden, the front door opens and in walks Satan. All of the congregation runs out the front door screaming “It’s Satan, it’s Satan!” That is, all except one old man in the “amen” pew. Satan goes up to him and says, “Don’t you know who I am?” The old man says, “Yea, you’re Satan.” Satan says, “Aren’t you scared…

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Car/Sex Song

(to the tune of car innuendo guy) Oh, baby baby baby I wanna check your emissions, Buh buh baby baby baby I wanna grind your transmission. Buh buh baby baby baby, my fuzzy dice are feeling ripe ‘Cause I wanna shove my manly crankshaft up your rusty tailpipe I’m your car innuendo guy, your car innuendo guy Oh, baby baby baby Pump my piston ’til it’s sore Buh buh baby baby baby I wanna slam your back door Buh buh…

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Actual Calls to a Pet Care Hotline….

“My cat just came in from the garage and I was wondering…. how many calories are in a mouse?” “I have a neutered male cat. How old should he be before I can breed him?” “Does your dog food help with emancipation?” “What should I feed a borderline collie?” “What size litter box do I need to keep my cat comfy?” “Is it normal for a dog to shed?” “How can I keep my cat from stealing my husband’s toothbrush?”…

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Outdoor Irish Adventure

Three Irishmen arrive at the local pet store in county Armagh and buy all the parrots and all the budgerigars in the shop. They stuff the birds into a bag and declare to the shop owner that they are off for an outdoor adventure. The shop owner is a bit concerned about why the three men would want so many parrots and budgees, so he waits until they are gone and follows them in his car. The Irishmen drive to…

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Coming to a Complete Stop

A police officer pulled over a red Porsche after it had run a stop sign. He walked up to the car door and said, “Sir, May I see your driver’s license and registration please?” The driver said, “What’s the problem, officer?” “Your just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection.” “Oh, come on pal, there wasn’t a car within miles of me!” “Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and…

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IDIOTS!!!

#1)Q-Why did the idiot leave the bathroom door open when he sat on the toilet? A-So that no one would peek at him through the key-hole!!! ***** #2)Q-Why did the idiot put a bag of garbage on his tv set? A-So that he could watch dirty movies!!! ***** #3)Q-Why did the idiot take the car door with him to the beach? A-So that when he got hot he could open the window and get some fresh air!!!

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