BMWs AND COWBOYS
TO DRIVE A BMW YOU HAVE TO WEAR THE RIGHT CLOTHES,TALK ON THE RIGHT CELL PHONE, USE THE RIGHT TENNIS RACQUET, DRINK THE RIGHT BOTTLED WATER. ALL A COWBOY HAS TO REMEMBER IS……….THE SADDLEHORN GOES IN FRONT!
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Bmw Jokes
Carburetor Maintenance
A young woman was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later, she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful…
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Lawyers
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!”, he whined. “You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!” retorted the officer. “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was…
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Permission to Spend Money
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly, a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: “Hello?” “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” “Yes.” “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?” “What’s the price?” “Only $1,500.” “Well,…
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Baby Boomers, Then and Now
Then: Long hair Now: Longing for hair Then: Keg Now: EKG Then: Acid rock Now: Acid reflux Then: Moving to California because it’s cool. Now: Moving to California because it’s hot. Then: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your parents. Now: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your kids (grandkids). Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. Then: Seeds and stems. Now: Roughage. Then: Popping pills,…
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Car name acronyms
ACURA -Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile AMC -All Makes Combined AMC -A Major Cost AMC -A Mutated Car AMC -A Moron’s Car AMC -Another Major Catastrophe AUDI -Accelerates Under Demonic Influence AUDI -All Unsafe Designs Implemented AUDI -Another Ugly Duetsche Invention AUDI -Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence AUDI -Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc. BMW -Babbling Mechanical Wench BMW -Beastly Monsterous Wonder BMW -Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels BMW -Beautiful Mechanical Wonder BMW -Barely Moving Wreck BMW -Big Money Waste BMW -Big Money. Why?…
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Aesop’s Fable – 2000
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, who loved to play together. One day, the two were taking turns chasing each other when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Afraid he would drown, the horse whinnied for the chicken to get the farmer to help. Off trotted the chicken, as fast as her little chicken legs would carry her, back to the farm, but the farmer was no where to be found, having driven…
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Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam
NAME:____________ GANG:____________ 1. Johnny has an AK47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each driveby shooting, how many driveby shootings can he attend before he has to reload? 2. Rufus is pimping for 3 girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 a day crack habit? 3. Jerome wants to cut his…
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5 Questions Most Feared By Men
The 5 questions most feared by men are: 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that everyone is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along…
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A New House Bill
Introducing a House Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys PC 370.00 370.01 -Any person with a valid State Rodent or Snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport (non-commercial) purposes. 370.02 -Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited. 370.03 -The willful targeting of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in…
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