Big mouth Jokes - page 2

One step ahead

Two Yankees are speeding down a Texas highway when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The trooper comes over and bangs on the window with his nightstick and when the driver rolls the window down, the trooper whacks him across the head with the stick. “What did you do that for?” asks the driver. “You’re in Texas boy and when I come to the window, you have your license and registration ready for me!” “Yes, Sir!” After they…

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A Redneck MaMa’s Letter to her Son

Dear Son: Just a few lines to let you know I’m still alive. I will write this letter slowly because I know you can’t read fast. First the big news…your Dad heard that most accidents happen close to home so we moved. You won’t know the house when you come home as I can’t send you the address because the last redneck family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn’t have to change their address.…

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The 3 Little Pigs….updated

Once upon a time, there were 3 little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig. One day, this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig’s house and said, “I’m gonna huff, and puff and blow your house down.” So he did! The straw pig went running over to the stick pig’s house and said “Let me in, please, the wolf just blew down my house!!” So the stick pig let the straw pig in.…

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Read JokeThe 3 Little Pigs….updated

ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…

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You might be a redneck if….

You might be a reneck if… -You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’oeuvre. -You’ve ever spraypainted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass. -You’ve ever Christmas shopped at a truck stop. -You think heaven looks alot like Daytona, Florida. -You truly think God looks like Hank Williams Jr. -You go to a stockcar race and don’t nead a program. -Someone asks to see your I.D. and you show em your belt buckle. -Directions to your house include…

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Everybody Does It!

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the “new, improved” method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker. ARCHAEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. AUDITORS like to examine figures. BABYSITTERS charge by the hour. BAILIFFS always come to order. BAKERS knead it daily. BAND MEMBERS play all night. BANKERS do it with interest – penalty for…

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75 Things NEVER To Say To A Man With A Small Penis

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it’s cute. 3. Stop fingering me. 4. I’m sorry. 5. Who circumcised you? 6. Why don’t we just cuddle? 7. You know they have surgery to fix that. 8. It’s more fun to look at. 9. Make it dance. 10. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that. 11. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 12. It looks like a nightcrawler. 13. Wow, and your feet are so…

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Woo Woo Woo!

There were two Indians and a Polish fellow walking in the desert together, when suddenly one of the Indians took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a cave. Then, he hollered into the cave, “Woo! Woo! Woo! A moment later, the Indian heard a response, “Woo! Woo! Woo!” so he tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The puzzled Polish fellow asked the other Indian what that was all about, and the Indian replied,…

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50 Fun Things to Do in a Mall

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the fountain. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream ‘MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!’ 6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD…

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Car name acronyms

ACURA -Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile AMC -All Makes Combined AMC -A Major Cost AMC -A Mutated Car AMC -A Moron’s Car AMC -Another Major Catastrophe AUDI -Accelerates Under Demonic Influence AUDI -All Unsafe Designs Implemented AUDI -Another Ugly Duetsche Invention AUDI -Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence AUDI -Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc. BMW -Babbling Mechanical Wench BMW -Beastly Monsterous Wonder BMW -Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels BMW -Beautiful Mechanical Wonder BMW -Barely Moving Wreck BMW -Big Money Waste BMW -Big Money. Why?…

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