Big hair Jokes - page 2

Saddam, Bill, and the small red buttons.

The peace talks are in progress. Saddam invites Bill over to Bagdahd to talk. Halfway through the talks, Saddam presses a small red button on his chair. Suddenley, a boxing glove flies through the air and hits Bill right on the nose. “Ah Crap!” whines Bill “Why d’ya do that?” Saddam just laughs. After about 10 more minutes of the peace talks, Saddam pushes another small red button on his chair. From underneath the table, a big boot comes out…

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Read JokeSaddam, Bill, and the small red buttons.

Good advice for those that are married/engaged/whipped…

*************************************** IT IS SATURDAY, a crisp Winter’s afternoon, and you’re exactly where you should be: stretched out on the sofa in front of a televised sporting event, opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your wife enters the room and says, “What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Is this a trick question? Yes, it is. The…

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Read JokeGood advice for those that are married/engaged/whipped…

50 Fun Things to Do in a Mall

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the fountain. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream ‘MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!’ 6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD…

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A Perplexing Problem

A man goes to see his doctor, and says, “Doc, there is something wrong with me….Every time I stand in a baby’s high chair and face northeast, and then touch my tongue to a piece of aluminum foil that’s wrapped around a walnut, I get a tingle in my right big toe. Can you tell me what my problem is?” “Yeah,” the doctor says, “You’ve got too much time on your hands.”

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The 25 Things I’ve Learned In Life…

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time. 3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor. 4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. 5. You should never say…

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Adam and Eve– The poem

In the garden of eden, As everyone knows, Lives Adam and Eve without any clothes. In this garden, were 2 little leaves, One covered Adam’s and One covered Eve’s. As the story goes on Nevertheless to say, The wind came along And blew the leaves away. At the sight Adam did stare There was Eves treasure All covered with hair. And wonder came, under Eves eyes, as Adam’s thing started to rise. They found a spot, that suited them best,…

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Read JokeAdam and Eve– The poem

PROM DRESS

Julie Adams had just turned Sweet Sixteen and was praying that Jeff would ask her to the Junior Prom. When he finally did, it was the happiest day in her life. She told her mother she would need a strapless dress for the Prom, so Mrs. Adams loaned Julie her credit card and sent her off to Gowns Unlimited for the purchase. Julie picked up her new dress the morning of the Prom and it was perfect. Her only concern…

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Ooops! Sorry, My Mistake

A middle aged woman is on the operating table for bypass surgery when she has a near-death experience. She is floating above the room and sees God. “Excuse me, God,” she says, “Is this the end?” “Oh no, my dear,” says God. “You have another forty years to live.” When she recovers, she decides to remain in the hospital for a complete makeover, knowing she’s going to be around for another forty years. She gets a face-lift, liposuction, tummy tuck,…

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Little Johnny and the Eel

Seven-year-old little Johnny, like other boys his age, are rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from the other boys, and he wondered just what it was all about. One day he asked his mother, and she became quite flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains later that night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. So he did this, and the next morning he gave this…

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Best Choice!

A young man had seriously dated three girls and was finally faced with the dilemma of which to marry. As a test he gave each of them one thousand dollars. The first girl went for a complete hair and face makeover, new clothes, and new shoes. She returned to show off her new look saying, “I want to be at my most beautiful for you. Why? Because I love you dear!” The second girl returned with new hockey and golf…

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Read JokeBest Choice!