Bends Jokes

After All These Years

On one spring day there was this eighty-five year old man and eighty year old woman who had just gotten married. On their way to their honeymoon the old man looks at his new bride and thinks to himself, after all these years he is finally going to get laid again. When they finally arrive at the hotel the old couple starts to unpack. At that time the wife decides to go the bathroom to freshen up. While she is…

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Scent of the Day

This little old lady lives New York and after a long day goes home to her hotel. She passes the doorman and heads for the elevator. She pushes her floor, number 15, and the elevator begins to rise, but eventually stops on the third floor. Suddenly, this beautiful brunette walks into the elevator. As the elevator resumes ascending, the old lady begins sniffing the brunette. The brunette tosses her hair back and says, “Calvin Klein, $75 an ounce.” The elevator…

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Bar Football

Two guys are sitting at a bar drinking beers, and eating peanuts. One guy turns to the other and says, “You want to play bar football?” The other guy replies, “Sure I’m up for it, but how do you play?” “Well what you do is this. First you eat a handful of peanuts and chug down a beer to score a touchdown, and then you have to pull down your pants bend over and fart for the extra point. Each…

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Read JokeBar Football

Tight Shoes

A man walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. “How do they feel?” asks the sales clerk. “Well . . . they feel a bit tight,” replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the man’s feet. “Try pulling the tongue out,” offers the clerk. “Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth, he says.

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Read JokeTight Shoes

A Visit to the Gynecologist

A girl goes to the gynecologist for the first time. She’s up in the stirrups, and the doctor notices she’s trembling. He says “You’re nervous, aren’t you?” “Yes, it’s my first visit to a gynecologist.” “Would you like me to numb you down there?” “Oh yes, please!” He bends down, sticks his face between her legs and goes “Num num nummmm……”

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Read JokeA Visit to the Gynecologist

Blame the waiter

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands, “Stop that!” The waiter…

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Read JokeBlame the waiter

50th Anniversary Renactment

An elderly couple are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary in the country restaurant where they had their first date. They reminisce about that first night and remember how they’d snuck out of the restaurant to the yard, she’d bent over the back fence and he’d taken her passionately from behind. They decide to reenact that first act of love. Another diner has overheard this conversation and, incredulous, follows them out to the backyard. Sure enough, the old lady removes her…

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Read Joke50th Anniversary Renactment

21 year old screw

A man was walking down a beautiful beach when he sees a girl with no arms and legs crying. He says to her, “Why are you crying?” She says, “I am a 21 year old girl with no arms and no legs and I have never been kissed.” The man, feeling bad for the girl, bends down and gives the girl the softest and most beautiful kiss. The girl was so happy. The man feeling happy about what he did…

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School Daze

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Patrick?” “Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.” “Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days.” The teacher turns back…

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Read JokeSchool Daze