Banana banana Jokes

Banana Talk

Two bananas are lying on a river bank when a turd comes floating by. The turd looks over and says, “Hey! Come on in! The water’s fine!” One banana turns to the other banana and says, “Do you believe that shit?”

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blond inventions

Inventions by Blondes ? The water-proof towel ? Glow in the dark sunglasses ? Solar powered flashlights ? Submarine screen doors ? A book on how to read ? Inflatable dart boards ? A dictionary index ? Mechanical Pencil sharpeners ? Powdered water ? Pedal-powered wheel chairs ? Waterproof tea bags ? Watermelon seed sorter ? Zero proof alcohol ? Reuseable ice cubes ? See-through toilet tissue ? Skinless bananas ? Do-it-yourself road map ? Turnip ice cream ? Toe…

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Crazy Engineers

A rather inhibited engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the “craziest” thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a child’s toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island. Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost…

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Rooney on ads in bills:

Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? As if bills aren’t distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels . . . I write, “Could you throw this away for me? Thank you.” — Andy Rooney

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Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than ten years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. “How old are you?” “I’m four and a half.” You’re never 36 and a half . . . You’re four and a half going on 5. You get into your teens; now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number.…

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Knock-Knock

1. Knock knock Who’s there? Banana Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana again? :0) 2. Knock knock Who’s there? Boo Boo who? Quit crying! It’s only me! :0) 3. Mamma, do you love me? Would you never in your whole life forget my name? Why, of course not, dear. Knock knock Who’s there? See, you’ve forgotten my name already! :0)

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Musings of the Elderly

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than ten years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. “How old are you?” “I’m four and a half.” You’re never 36 and a half….you’re four and a half going on 5. You get into your teens; now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number. “How old are you?”…

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