Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
At this pharmacy, a blonde woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she was holding. The clerk explained that it was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant’s weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. “It won’t work,” countered the blonde. “Why not?” asked the clerk. “I’m not the mother; I’m the aunt.”
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OFFICIAL BABY BOOMER EXAM Answers below 1. “Kookie; Kookie. Lend me your ________________.” 2. The “battle cry” of the hippies in the sixties was “Turn on; tune in;________________.” 3. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, “Who was that masked man?” Invariably, someone would answer, “I don’t know, but he left this behind.” What did he leave behind?__________________ 4. Folk songs were played side by side with rock and…
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One afternoon, a woman is getting on a bus with her newborn baby. The bus driver looks at the lady and replies, “Damn, Woman, that’s the ugliest baby I have ever seen in my entire life!!!” The woman, somewhat distraught, proceeds to the back of the bus, where she is questioned by a fellow rider. “Why do you look so down?” asked the man. The woman begins to tell the man about the bus driver and the rude comment he…
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A woman was boarding the bus one day and as she was getting her fare the driver exclaims, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman slams her money in the farebox and angrily stomps to her seat. The guy she sits next to asks, “What’s wrong?” The woman says, “The bus driver just insulted me!” “What?!” He’s supposed to be a public servant, and he’s insulting people?” “Yeah, and I should go up there and cuss him out!”…
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Dear Abby: I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure this baby I’m carrying is his! Dear Abby: I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again. Dear Abby: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I’d like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think…
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A kindergarden teacher wanted to teach her kids ‘grown up’ words one day. She would ask her kids to describe something and tell them the correct form of the words that were babyish. She asked the first student, “Nicole, what machine moves on railroad tracks?” Nicole answered, “The choo-choo!” The teacher said, “No, you mean the train.” Nicole replied, “The train!” The teacher rewarded her with a gold star. Next the teacher called on Kevin. The teacher asked, “What pet…
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Dear Son: Just a few lines to let you know I’m still alive. I will write this letter slowly because I know you can’t read fast. First the big news…your Dad heard that most accidents happen close to home so we moved. You won’t know the house when you come home as I can’t send you the address because the last redneck family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn’t have to change their address.…
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by Dave Berry 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings”. 3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.” 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with…
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Sometimes advertising campaigns backfire. Here are a few true examples. 1. Coors translated it’s slogan “Turn it loose” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer from diarrhea.” 2. Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick” curling iron into Germany, where they later found out that ‘mist’ is the German equivalent of shit. 3. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market to coincide with the Pope’s visit. But instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the…
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Not likely to find these cards at your local Hallmark store…. “Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.” “How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?” “I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.” “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you.” “Looking back over the years that we’ve been…
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