Automobile Jokes

Wedding

Charm School

Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion. The first woman said, “When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me.” The second woman commented, “Well, isn’t that nice.” The first woman continued “When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive.” Again, the comment, “Well, isn’t that nice.” The first boasted, “Then, when my…

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Religious

Car name acronyms

ACURA -Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile AMC -All Makes Combined AMC -A Major Cost AMC -A Mutated Car AMC -A Moron’s Car AMC -Another Major Catastrophe AUDI -Accelerates Under Demonic Influence AUDI -All Unsafe Designs Implemented AUDI -Another Ugly Duetsche Invention AUDI -Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence AUDI -Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc. BMW -Babbling Mechanical Wench BMW -Beastly Monsterous Wonder BMW -Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels BMW -Beautiful Mechanical Wonder BMW -Barely Moving Wreck BMW -Big Money Waste BMW -Big Money. Why?…

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Ethnic Cultural

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

Just match the Chinese interpretation to the English and speak Chinese in just 5 min! E: Are you harboring a fugitive? C: Hu Yu Hai Ding? E: See me A.S.A.P. C: Kum Hia Nao E: Stupid Man C: Dum Gai E: Your price is too high! C: No Bai Dam Ting! E: Did you go to the beach? C: Wai Yu So Tan? E: I bumped into a coffee table C: I Bang Mai Ni E: I think you need…

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Funny Stories

Auto I.D.

Be on the lookout for the following personalities last seen cruising in these automobiles… A Pyromaniac in a Blazer… A barber in a Seville… A seamstress in a Dart… An insurance adjuster in an Acclaim… A construction worker in a Bobcat… A creature in a black Laguna… A theater manager in a Marquis… An astronomer in an Eclipse… An exterminator in a Beetle… A spiritualist in an Aurora… An orator in a Civic… A country singer in a blue Neon……

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Ethnic Cultural

More Chinese In 5 Minutes

English Phrase/(Chinese Phrase): I think you need a facelift/(Chin Tu Fat) Are you hiding a fugitive?/(Hu Yu Hai Ding?) See me A.S.A.P./(Kum Hai Nao) Stupid man/(Dum Gai) Small Horse/(Tai Ni Po Ni) Did you go to the beach?/(Wai Yu So Tan?) I bumped into a coffe table/(Ai Bang Mai Ni) It’s very dark in here/(Wai So Dim?) Has your flight been delayed?/(Hao Long Wai Ting?) An unauthorized execution/(Lin Ching) I thought you were on a diet/(Wai Yu Mun Ching?) This…

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Man and Woman

Viagra Copycats

With Viagra being such a hit, Pfizer is introducing a new line of drugs aimed at improving the performance of women in today’s society: DRIVEAGRA: One dose of this drug prior to leaving on a car trip will eliminate the woman’s constant compulsion to critique a man’s driving ability. Allows her to understand that she cannot drive from the passenger seat. MEMORAGRA: One tablet taken daily allowed 95% of women tested the ability to forget things their husbands said or…

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Religious

Dihydrogen Monoxide

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical “dihydrogen monoxide.” The petition stated the following: 1. It can cause excessive sweating and vomiting. 2. It is…

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Medical

Breast Obsessed

A middle-aged man had an obsession with women’s breasts. So he went to a psychologist and told the doctor about his problem. “I am going to do a word association test, explained the doctor. I am going to say a word, and you will say the first thing that comes into your mind.” “Oranges,” said the doctor. “Breasts,” replied the patient. “Apples.” “Breasts.” “Watermelons.” “Breasts.” “Windshield wipers.” “Breasts,” said the patient, with the same reply. “Wait a minute! I can…

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