Approach speed Jokes

Short Runway

Pilot to Co-pilot: We are approaching an airport with a notoriously short runway. When I give the commands, execute them immediately! Co-pilot: Roger. Pilot: Flaps full down Co-pilot: Roger. Flaps are full down. Pilot: Air speed 180. Co-pilot: Air speed 180. Pilot: Landing gear down. Co-pilot: Landing gear is down and locked. Pilot: As soon as we touch down, I want engines in full reverse and brakes on maximum. Co-pilot: Roger. They hit the runway with engines in full reverse,…

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Ambitious Ensign

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men, and soon the ship had left port and was steaming out of the channel. The ensign’s efficieny had been remarkable! In fact the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer…

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Field Sobriety Test

A Dallas police officer stopped a man for speeding and upon approaching the car noticed that that the man had numerous knives on the back seat. The driver responded to the officers inquiries about the knives by saying that he was a circus juggler and they were part of his routine. The officer aked for a demonstration so the juggler complied. At the same time, George W. Bush was passing by and saw the juggling exhibition. He turned to Dick…

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PIG

A man is speeding his convertible up a steep, narrow, winding mountain road when a woman driving a sedan approaches him from the opposite direction. As they pass, she leans out her window and yells, “PIG!” The man immediately leans out and yells, “BITCH!” As he hurtles around the next corner, he swerves to avoid a large pig standing in the middle of the road, plows through the flimsy fence and crashes to a fiery death. Gee, if only you…

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Is that horse for sale?

A man was driving along the highway in Wyoming, when he noticed a beautiful white stallion standing proudly on a hill. All of his life the man dreamt of owning a horse like that, when suddenly he spotted the entrance to a ranch. The owner was outside mending a fence, so the man asked him, “Is that your horse?” “Yes it is,” replied the rancher, “in fact I was thinking about selling him.” Well the potential buyer got so excited…

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Law Abiding Citizen

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to…

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Cynic’s Dictionary

ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION: Procreation without recreation. BOOKCASE: A piece of furniture used in America to house bowling trophies and Elvis collectibles. BULIMIA: Retched excess. CHIC: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence. CLIQUE: A group of insiders who greet outsiders with their backsides; a closed circle of asses. CONSULTANT: A jobless person who shows executives how to work. DENTURES: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one’s grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music. DNA:…

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