Wife Wants New Clothes
WIFE: Look at these old clothes I have to wear. If people came to visit, they would think I was the cook! HUSBAND: Well, they’d change their minds if they stayed for dinner.
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Ants Jokes
How many elephants…
How many elephants does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but how’d they get into the lightbulb?
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Unruly Tenants
A man mentioned to his landlord that the tenants in the apartment above his were being a bit unruly. “Many a night they stomp on the floor and shout till around midnight.” When the landlord asked if it bothered him, he replied, “Not really because I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night, anyway.”
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Lil Johnny wants a new Bike
Little Johnny was so rotton that his mother didn’t know what to do with him. It was getting close to his birthday and he was demanding a new bicycle. His mother told him that he had been so bad during the year that he wasn’t going to get ANYTHING. He whined and complained and stamped his feet–demanding the bike. His mother, in desperation and just trying to shut him up, said, “Why don’t you write a letter to Jesus and…
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Husband Wants to Know
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician’s office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, “My husband wants me to ask you . . .” “I know, I know,” the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in your pregnancy.” “No, that’s not it at all, Brenda confessed. “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”
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Fire Hydrants
What is in the inside a fire hydrant? H2O What is on the outside of a fire hydrant? K9P
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Johnnie wants to get married
Johnnie and Susie, each ten years old, decided to get married. So Johnnie went to Susie’s dad to ask for her hand in marriage. “Where will you live?” asked Susie’s dad, thinking this is cute. “Well,” said Johnnie, “I figured I could just move into Susie’s room. It’s plenty big for both of us.” “And how will you live?” “I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance. That’s should be enough,” Johnnie replied confidently. Getting…
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Too Many Ants
There are many more ants than humans in the world, and they belong to numerous different species. Some of the more common are: 1. The ants you find in your kitchen the morning after you leave something sweet or greasy on the counter. These are called Brown Ants or Sugar Ants. 2. Big red and black ants found outdoors in the Southwest. These are very aggressive ants, with large pincers. They are called Fire Ants. 3. In South America you…
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Little Johnny wants a bike
One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas.” Christmas came around, and Johnny asked: “Dad, can I get the bike now?” The father said, “Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time.” A week…
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pissants
A little boy is sitting on a corner squashing pissants. A priest comes by asks the boy what he is doing. “Squashing pissants” the boy replies. The priest says “But son, don’t you know that everything on earth has a purpose in life.” “Not everything” says the boy. “Name three things that don’t have a purpose” asks the priest. The boy thought for a minute then said. “Tits on a nun, balls on a priest and these damn pissants.”
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