American guy Jokes

AMERICANS RULE!!

There is a Irish guy, a Chinese guy, a Russian guy, and a American guy. The guys were sitting around one day disscusing what they like about their country. The Irish guy says that he likes the green grass of Ireland. The Chinese guy says that he likes the Great Wall of China. The Russian guy says that he likes the Russian flag. The American guy says that he likes the Bald Eagle. All the other guys looked at the…

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American Idioms

True Story: I went to lunch at an Olive Garden restaurant with a group of co-workers one day. One of the guys who went with us, Ilya, is a Russian immigrant who is still working on his English skills. I had been encouraging him to use more American idiomatic expressions and slang. The waitress at the restaurant seemed very nervous. When she brought out the drinks she spilled them all over the table. Of course everyone broke out laughing. Except…

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The African and the parrot

African American guy walks into a pet store with his parrot to buy some birdseed. He walks up to the counter, and points to the seed. The cashier gets it for him, and while he rings it up, he says, “He’s beautiful! Where did you get him from?” Parrot says, “In Africa. There’s millions of them!”

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You MIGHT be a Yankee if….

…You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY! …The sound of Fran Drescher’s voice doesn’t bother you. …For breakfast, you’d rather have potatoes than grits. …You can name at least 4 hockey teams. …You don’t know what a moon pie is. …You’ve never eaten Okra. …You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show. …You don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce” correctly. …You’ve never had grain alcohol. …You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse. …You have no…

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Sending the Wrong Signal

A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar. As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, “One more remark like that, and I’ll do my best to remember…

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Another Bill/Monica story…..

Two guys were talking about Bill Clinton’s impending impeachment vote, by the full US Congress. The first one remarked, “I don’t feel that he should be kicked out of office, for doing what 41% of all American males do.” “You mean that 41% of all American males cheat on their women?” said the second. “No,” replied the first, “I mean that 41% of all American males have received a blow job from Monica Lewinsky.

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Bushisms, pt 2

“I think we agree, the past is over.”?On his meeting with John McCain, Dallas Morning News, May 10, 2000 “It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”–Reuters, May 5, 2000 (Thanks to Allison Fansler.) GOV. BUSH: Because the picture on the newspaper. It just seems so un-American to me, the picture of the guy storming the house with a scared little boy there. I talked to my little brother, Jeb?I haven’t told this to many people.…

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Canadian, Osama bin Ladin and Uncle Sam

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Ladin and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give each of you each one wish, that’s three wishes total,” says the Genie. The Canadian says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada.” With a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’…

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Japanese Food

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there’s any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he’s in luck, there’s a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the…

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Golf Fanatic

This American golf fanatic always dreamed of playing at St. Andrews, and finally got the chance. Going with his wife, they teed off andhe proceeded to play the best game of his life. After 9 holes, he was 5 strokes under par,and was on cloud nine. On the back nine, he started playing even better,even getting an Eagle on the 16th hole. He was so excited that he ended up slicing the shot on the 17th tee,and as he walked…

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