American beer Jokes

Canadian Beer

There were three men sitting at a bar. One was Chinese, one was American and the other was Canadian. All of the sudden a fly landed in each of the men’s bar mugs. The Chinese man pushed his mug away and proclaimed that he wanted another beer free of cost. The American took out the fly and continued drinking his beer. The Canadian grabbed the fly by the wings and started shaking it over his mug shouting, “Spit it out…

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Politically Correct Terms for Men and Women

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: She is not a BABE or a CHICK – She is a BREASTED AMERICAN. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER – She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE. (yep!) She is not EASY – She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. She does not TEASE or FLIRT – She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION. She is not DUMB – She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. She has not BEEN AROUND – She is a PREVIOUSLY…

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Border Patrol

One day at the Mexican-American border there was a Middle-aged Latino pushing a wheelbarrow across the country line when a border patrol officer stoped him. “Stop!!! BorderPatrol!!!” Said the officer. “What is it?” asked the weary mexican. “What ya got there padre?” spoke the officer. “Notting.” “Nothin’, huh?” said the man in the uniform. “Let me see.” “Iss’ jost’ sand” “Yeah, right.” The officer looked….Nothing, just sand. So this goes on and on for days and days,months and months. Then,…

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Hell’s not so bad

A young man died somewhat before his time in a motor accident, and found himself in Hell. He sat in a hot ante-room surrounded by swirling sulphurous gases as he gloomily awaited his fate. He’d heard all the jokes. “OK lads, tea break’s over, back on your heads.” Being forced to listen to a continuous Barry Manilow tape. The electrodes on the goolies. It made him shiver. Finally Satan arrived, detected the young chap’s demeanour and said, “Hey, why so…

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The Wisdom of Homer J. Simpson

“Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs.” “Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.” “Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene!’” “Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.” “If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now…

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Loser Laws

NEW YORK It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun. The penalty for jumping off a building is death. NEW JERSEY You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service only. In Ocean City, it is against the law to slurp your soup at a restaurant. CALIFORNIA It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license. Women may not drive in a house coat. FLORIDA It is illegal to…

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