Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, “I want to open a fuckin’ checking account!” To which the lady replied, “I beg your pardon, what did you say?” “Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin’ checking account right now.” “Sir, I’m sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!” The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him…
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Clinton, Dole, and Perot are on a long flight in Air Force One. Perot pulls out a $100 bill and says “I’m going to throw this $100 bill out and make someone down below happy.” Dole, not wanting to be outdone, says, “If that was my $100 bill, I would split it into 2 $50 bills and make two people down below happy.” Of course Clinton doesn’t want these two candidates to outdo him, so he pipes in, “I would…
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Moldova Votes ‘Oui’ to EU, Finds Door Still Only Slightly Ajar (and Russia is Still Tapping on the Window) Good news, Moldova! Your citizens have decisively voted for the pro-European party of President Maia Sandu, confirming your unwavering desire to ditch the past and embrace the glorious future of bureaucracy and shared agricultural policies. ? The Action and Solidarity party snagged a whopping 50.03% of the vote, sending a clear message: ‘We want in!’ However, much like trying to get…
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With the Christmas season approaching, please look into your heart to help those in need. Hundreds of National Basketball Association players in our very own country are living at or below the seven-figure salary level. And, as if that weren’t bad enough, they will be deprived of pay for several weeks- possibly a whole year as a result of the current lock-out situation. But now you can help! For only $20,835.46 a month, about 694.50 a day (that’s less than…
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough. Q: Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell. Q: Why do men like smart women? A: Opposites attract. Q: How are husbands like lawn mowers? A: They’re hard to…
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ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the “new, improved” method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker. ARCHAEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. AUDITORS like to examine figures. BABYSITTERS charge by the hour. BAILIFFS always come to order. BAKERS knead it daily. BAND MEMBERS play all night. BANKERS do it with interest – penalty for…
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Veteran Pillsbury spokesmodel “Pop n’ Fresh” died last week at age 71 due to a severe yeast infection. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The gravesite was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima gave the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who “never knew how much he was kneaded.” Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers.…
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Editor-looks like this one hasn’t reached you yet ___________________________ Clintons Operation Vowel Drop CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO SERBIA and BOSNIA Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of Yugoslavia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless…
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Film actor George Raft, who was noted for portraying sinister gangsters during the 1930’s through the 1950’s, and was notorious for his gangland associations in real life, acquired and disposed of over ten million dollars in the course of his career. Once chided by a friend for his extravagant spending habits, he was asked what he did with his money. “Part of the loot went for gambling,” he explained. “Part went for horses, and part for women. The rest I…
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True Facts About Americans Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils. 21% of us don’t make our bed daily. 5% of us never do. Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly. 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man. 85% of men don’t use the slit in their underwear. 67.5% of men were tightie whities (briefs). The average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago…
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