Jokes News

blonde

guest — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 09:07:11 +0000

Help,Help!! said the blonde “my house is on fire!!”. the man down the street said call the cops. she was dialing she pushed the nine and said “where’s the eleven?”

This post was submitted by jake.

man and women

guest — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:16:25 +0000

whats a womans arse hole and a 9v battery got in common? you know its wrong but you still lick it with your tounge!

This post was submitted by chrisy boy reed.

hair

guest — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 12:17:40 +0000

one day a lady went up to her boss and wanted to report him for sexual harrasment.

“so who is harrasing you?”
“well everytime i go to the coffee machine derik tells me how nice ma hair smells”
“well how is that sexual harrasment?” the boss asks
“wel

This post was submitted by maggie.

The other Joke of the day for 09-15-2007

info — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 12:03:16 +0000

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion School in an advanced state of agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!" The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, "Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited." "Well, Father," the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel, and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!" "A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. "But that's not what has me so excited, Father," replied the nun. "It was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the WALL!!" "What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest. "What did you do?" "Well, I hit the CEILING, Father!!!"

Short Joke of the Day for 09-07-2007

info — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 22:49:35 +0000

Blonde Joke of the Day for 08-20-2007

info — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 18:22:31 +0000

Wagering Boys

info — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 17:38:00 +0000

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion School in an advanced state of agitation.

“Father!” she cried, “just WAIT until you hear this!”

The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, “Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited.”

“Well, Father,” the nun began, “I was just walking down the hall to the chapel, and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!”

“A serious infraction, indeed!” said the priest.

“But that’s not what has me so excited, Father,” replied the nun. “It was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the WALL!!”

“What an incredible wager!” exclaimed the priest.

“What did you do?”

“Well, I hit the CEILING, Father!!!”

The Painter

info — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 17:30:00 +0000

An optometrist operates on a hippie painter’s girlfriend and saves her eyesight. The hippie painter is so grateful that he goes to the doctor’s house one day, while the doctor has office hours, goes inside and paints a huge eye on an entire wall of the living room, leaving the fireplace as the pupil of the eye. He’s just finishing up when the doctor walks in.

He says to the doctor, “Well, do you like it man?”

The doctor says, “Yeah, but I’m certainly glad I’m not a gynecologist!”

Dear John,

info — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 15:02:00 +0000

This soldier had been stationed overseas and was fooling around on his wife. She was back home in the states. She found out about it through some anonymous letters.

The soldier gets a package from his wife. He finds inside a batch of homemade cookies and a video tape of his favorite stateside TV shows.

He invites a couple of buddies over to watch the tape. They’re all having a great time eating the cookies and watching episodes of “South Park”.

Right in the middle of one episode, though, the tape cuts to a home video of the soldier’s wife, on her knees, giving the soldier’s best friend oral sex.

After a few seconds, the best friend “does his business” and she turns, on camera, and spits it right into . . . a mixing bowl of cookie dough.

The wife then looks right into the camera and says, “I want a divorce.”

The Marriage Counselor

info — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 11:24:00 +0000

After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other’s throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor’s office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. “What seems to be the problem?”

Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. In contrast, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour, describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately and sat her back down.

Afterwards, the wife sat speechless.

The marriage counselor looked over at the husband, who stared in disbelief. The counselor said to the husband, “Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!”

The husband scratched his head and replied, “I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”