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An Irishman out walking in the park got hit on the back of his head by a boomerang.He shoutted " who true dat??????"

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An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give a speechs to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing his chest and then his groin. When he finished the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

“Well,” he explained” By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started: ‘Ladies and Gentlemen…’”

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself
I’ll do better then that English Bastard and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.

Well when he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing.
“Well,” he explained. “By imitating antlers and rubbing my chest and my groin I started my speech by saying: ‘Dear Ladies and Gentlemen…’”

On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself
I’ll go one further then those mainland bastards and started his speech by making and antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, then his groin and then masterbating furiously.

When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing.
“Well,” he explained, “by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masterbating furiously, I started my speech by saying: ‘Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure…’”

Italian guy wen i finish makin aluv 2my girlafriend i go down and gently tickle the back of her knees.she floats 6inches above da bed in ecstasy.Frenchman zat is nothing, wen i finish with ze girl i kiss her all ze way down her body and zen lick ze soles

There were two Irish women walking down the main street of Belfast when one said to the other, “Don’t you think all those soldiers look stupid wearing camouflage uniforms in the middle of a city?”

The other woman replied, “What soldiers?”

There was once an English man an Irish man and a Scotsman. One day they were all going for a walk and came across a strange old house. I’ll go in first and have a look said the English man.

He looked inside and saw dollar bill on the table. He went to go and pick it up and heard a voice: “I am the ghost of Aunty Mable and this note stays on the table!” The English man ran out terrified.

So the Irish man tried and he ran out petrified.

Then it was the Scottsman’s turn. He walked in and went to go pick up the note and the ghost said, “I am the ghost of Aunty Mable and this note stays on the table!”

So the Scottsman said, “Well my name is Davy Crocket, and this note stays in me pocket!”

There is a Irish guy, a Chinese guy, a Russian guy, and a American guy. The guys were sitting around one day disscusing what they like about their country.

The Irish guy says that he likes the green grass of Ireland.

The Chinese guy says that he likes the Great Wall of China.

The Russian guy says that he likes the Russian flag.

The American guy says that he likes the Bald Eagle.

All the other guys looked at the American and asked why he liked the Bald Eagle? The American said, “THE BALD EAGLE CAN SHIT ON THE GREEN GRASS, FLY OVER THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA, AND WIPE HIS ASS ON THE RUSSIAN FLAG! “

An Irishman is driving down a quiet country road when a policeman drives up behind him and pulls him over.

“Excuse me sir,” the copper says, “I don’t believe that this is your car.”

“I can assure you it is,” Paddy replies.

But the PC still doesn’t believe poor old Paddy, so he gets him out of the car and onto the road. The policeman then proceeds to draw a circle around the Irishman and returns to the car.

“I’m going to hit this car on the bonnet with my baton”, threatens the policeman, “and if you laugh then I know it’s not yours.”

The Irishman agrees and the policeman smashes the shiny red bonnet with his baton. He turns round to see the Irishman giggling. “There. See - it isn’t yours.”

“Yes it is”, says Paddy.

So the policeman turns back to the car and shatters all the windows, only to turn round and find Paddy holding his ribs, pissing himself with laughter.

“Right you’ve got one more chance sonny” warns the copper, and he kicks and beats the car until it is beyond repair. He turns round and is astonished to see Paddy rolling around on the ground absolutely wetting his pants.

“If this is your car”, says the PC,”what the bloody hell is so funny?”

“Well”, replies Paddy, “every time you turned round, I stepped out of the circle!!”

Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man.

One guy said he was going to piss him off. He walked over to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a sissy.”

“Oh really, hmm, didn’t know that.”

Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. “I told him St. Patrick was a sissy and he didn’t care!”

“You just don’t know how to set him off, watch and learn.” The second English man walked over and tapped the Irish man on the shoulder. “I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite!”

“Oh, wow, I didn’t know that, thank you.”

Shocked beyond belief, the English man went back to his buddies. “You’re right, he is unshakable!”

The third English man said: “No, no, no, I will really piss him off, you just watch.” The English man walked over to the Irish man, tapped him on the shoulder and said…”I hear your St. Patrick was an English man!”

“Yeah, that’s what your buddies were trying to tell me.”

A man took a new job as a bus driver and was given a bus with a Sesame Street advertisement on the side. At his first stop he picked up two fat Irish women who’s names both happened to be Pattie. At his next stop he picked up a man named Ross. This man felt highly of himself and insisted that everyone call him Special Ross. At the next stop was a biker who didn’t have a name, but he said he usually goes by his nickname, Lester T.

During the ride, Lester T sat in the back picking at his feet while the others looked at him with disgust.

When the bus driver finished his route, he was asked how his day was by one of his co-workers.

“It reminded me of McDonalds” said the bus driver. Two obese Patties, Special Ross, Lester T pickin’ his bunyons on a Sesame Street bus.

An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, “I’ve some bad new for you … you have the cancer and it can’t be cured. I’d give you two weeks to a month.”

Murphy shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor’s office into the waiting room.

There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, “Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t so well. I have cancer and I’ve been given a short time to live. Let’s head for the pub and have a few pints. After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers.

They were eventually approached by some of Murphy’s old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad… He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end.

He told his friends, “I’ve only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS.” The friends gave Murphy their condolences and they had a couple more beers.

After his friends left, Murphy’s son leaned over and whispered his confusion, “Dad I thought you said that you were dying from cancer? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS?”

Murphy said, “I am dying from cancer, son, I just don’t want any of them sleeping with your mother after I’m gone.”