Dirty Adult Jokes

This man walked up to this lady and asked her, “Would you sleep with me for $100,000?”

She said, “Yes.”

Then he asked, “would you sleep with me for $5.00?”

She replied, “What do you think I am?”

He replied, “That’s already been deduced, now we’re just bargaining on a price!”

Q: What is a woman’s favorite thing to get out of a penis?

A: The wrinkles

A car is crossing a large bridge when a policeman pulls him over.

“Congratulations!” the officer says. “This is the 250,000th car to cross this bridge and you’ve won $250,000.”

“Great!” the man says, “Now I can finally get my drivers-license!”

His wife, sitting next to him hits him on the head and says to the officer, “Don’t mind him, he always lies like this when he’s drunk!”

And Grandma, who was sleeping in the back of the car, finally wakes up and yells to the man and woman:
“See ? I told you, you’ll never get far in a stolen car !”

A guy on a date parks his car and gets the woman in the back seat. They make love, but the woman wants it again and the guy complies. She wants more so they do it again, but she still wants more. Exhausted, the guy says, “Excuse me a minute, I have to relieve myself.”

While out of the car he notices a man half a block away changing a flat. He asks the man, “Look, I’ve got this gal in my car and I’ve given it to her four or five times and she still wants more. I’ll change your flat if you’ll take over for me.”

So the man agrees & gets into the car. He is just getting into “high-gear” when a cop knocks on the window and shines a light on them.

The cop asks, “What are you doing in there?”

The guy says, “I’m making love to my wife.”

The cop asks, “Why don’t you do that at home?”

The guy answers, “To tell you the truth, I didn’t know it was my wife until you shined the light on her.”

The stockbroker was nervous about being in prison because his cellmate looked like a real thug.

“Don’t worry,” the gruff looking fellow said, “I’m in here for a white collar crime, too.”

“Well, that’s a relief.” sighed the stockbroker. “I was sent to prison for fraud and insider trading.”

“Oh nothing fancy like that for me,” grinned the convict. “I just killed a couple of priests.”