Jokes News

There was class as usual in the fifth grade. In this class all the students would sit on the back except for two shy boys. But today, a boy named Pepito had been talking too much so the teacher told him, he had to sit on the front row.

That day, while the teacher was giving lecture (as always the students were falling asleep) the teacher slipped and fell. By the noise she made when she fell, the students rose to see what had happened. The teacher embarrassed of the situation got up on her feet and pretended nothing happened. While continuing her class, she couldn’t help thinking of what the students in the front row had seen. (she was wearing a mini-skirt and didn’t wear undies)

When class ended, she asked the three boys sitting in front row of class to stay for a little while. She asked the first boy, “Miguel…when I fell, what did you see?”

Miguel full of embarrasement answered, “well…uhm…I swear I only saw as far as your knees. The teacher upset of what she heard replied “for looking at my legs as I fell, I’m giving you two months of suspension”. So off went Miguel.

Then she asked the second boy what he had see when she fell. Pedro answered “teacher, I swear I only saw as high as your stockings reached”. The teacher upset on what he answered said…”I’m giving you four months of suspension”.

Lastly, and very worried, knowing that Pepito was a bad young boy, asked him nervously, “Pepito, tell me what you saw when I slipped, and tell me the truth?”.

Pepito smiling at her said, “I’ll make it easier for you, I’ll see you in a year”.

It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car.

When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. “Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.

“That’s cool,” says Bobby. Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do.

Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

Carrie’s father responds, “Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”

Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby - so he asks Carrie’s Dad to repeat it.

“Yeah,” says Carrie’s father, “Carrie really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!”

Well, this just made Bobby’s eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good.

A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go.

Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: “DAMMIT DADDY! IT’S CALLED THE TWIST!!!”

Dan went to his friend’s house, unannounced, and he wanted to spend the night. His friend was sorry that he could not offer him a whole room, so he said, “You can either sleep on the floor in the living room or you can sleep in the room with Baby.”

Dan said that he would prefer the floor.

The next morning, he went to the bathroom, and there he met this gorgeous young blonde. “Hi,” he said, “who are you?”

“I’m Baby, and who are you?”

“I’m stupid,” he said.

Why do women have more trouble with hemorrhoids than men?

Because God made man the perfect asshole.

A old man walks into the pharmacy he says, “You need to do something about these labels, they are kinda hard to read.”

He said, “I have a prescription for Viagra and one for a laxative. Last night I got them mixed up and I couldn’t tell if I was coming or going.”

A 15-year-old high school student was hard at work on the kitchen table trying to write a limerick for the school paper’s contest. His grandmother came in to make tea and asked him what he was writing.

“There’s a contest at school for the best limerick. The winner gets published in our school newspaper” replied Jimmy.

“Oh”, Granny smiled, “maybe I can help you. When I was your age, I used to be quite good at making up limericks, although my mother always said they were a bit racy for a proper young lady.”

“That’s great, Granny,” said Jimmy. “Would you tell me one?”

“Oh I’d be embarassed to say one aloud,” blushed Granny, “but I guess I could leave out the parts my mother objected to.”

“OK, Granny, go ahead,” said young Jimmy.

“Well, all right, here goes.”

“A girl spread her legs in
the grass
da da da da da da da da.
Da da da da da da da da da ,
So he fucked her up the ass.”

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.

“Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven. But you realize, I hope, that we’ve got all the good players and the best coaches.

“I know, and that’s all right,” Satan answered, unperturbed. “We’ve got all the umpires.”

Q: What is a woman’s favorite thing to get out of a penis?

A: The wrinkles

Lil’ Johnny’s teacher decided that she’d test her students’ knowledge on holidays. She went through Christmas and Easter and all of those.

So far all of them were doing well.

The last one left was Independence Day. She figured he couldn’t make that a sick answer. So, she called on him. This is what happened….

“What about Independence Day, Johnny?” asked his teacher.

“In-deep-end-dance Day is about celebrating anniversaries of past sex lifes. The term In-deep-end-dance is self-explanatory….”