Today we took a poll to see how many women would sleep with the President.

10% said “no”
10% said “yes”
and the other 80% said “never again”

I was working in a wall street investment bank about 10 years ago when someone from the information technology group came by our office asking us to enter our passwords in the new sofware system.

My colleague, Barry, with his usual rebellious attitude, entered the password, “Penis.”

We nearly died laughing when the computer issued the following reply to his choice of passwords:

***PASSWORD REJECTED! TOO SHORT.***

In her book, “Monica’s Story”, Monica’s classmates used to call her “Big Mac.”

No wonder President Clinton kept insisting that he was not having sex with “that woman.” He was actually having lunch!

A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier. “Show the lady your finest languginous chinchilla coat!” the fellow exclaims.

So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, “Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000.”

“No problem! I’ll write you a check!”

“Very good, sir.” says the shop owner. “Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared.” So the man and the woman leave.

On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: “How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn’t a single penny in your checking account!!”

“I know,” grinned the man. “I just had to come by to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!”

A tourist was passing through a small town one day. He went into a tavern to get a beer and he saw all the locals sitting around shouting out numbers and laughing.

He asked a man at the table next to him what was going on. The guy answered “We’ve been telling the same jokes over and over for years now, so for convenience we’ve numbered all our jokes. We simply yell out the number instead of telling the entire joke. It’s much easier that way.” It was now the man’s turn. “NUMBER 8!”

The crowd of people burst out in laughter as #8 was one of the more popular jokes here.

The tourist thought this looked like fun, so he decided he would try it. He shouted “NUMBER 9!”.

Silence. Nobody laughed. The tourist didn’t understand. “Why isn’t anybody laughing?” he whispered to the man next to him. “Is there not a joke #9?”

“Actually, #9 is very funny,” replied the man. “Unfortunately, some people just can’t tell a joke.”