Jokes News

Once upon a time in US of A, there was a stingy asshole, Mr.XYZ who used to never pay the driver for the cab he had hired; he just tells the driver that his cab won’t face any problems for a couple of months and that he will pray for the well-being of the cab-driver and his family. So all the cab drivers got together and vowed that who so ever takes Mr.XYZ for a ride and does not get the full fare from him, the others will burn his cab to ashes.

So one fine day this stingy asshole, Mr.XYZ wants to go for a ride. He approaches a cab-driver and says that he wants to go for a ride, but the cab-driver refuses saying that if he doesn’t pay the fare his cab will be burnt to ashes. Then all of a sudden Mr.XYZ removes a bundle of $100 bills saying that from today he will pay the fare as he has won a jackpot.

So the cab-driver takes Mr.XYZ for a ride to the country and brings him back to the same place where he had picked up Mr.XYZ. Then the cab-driver tells Mr.XYZ that the fare for the ride was $200. Mr.XYZ pays only $100 and when the driver asks him, “Why are you paying only half the fare?”

Mr.XYZ proudly replies, “I’m only paying for my share, you came for the ride too!!!”

Little Johnny comes home from school at the end of a term with his report card. The report card has all D’s and F’s.

His parents start lecturing him, and Johnny explains that everyone in his class did poorly, not just him.

“But what about David down the street?” they said. “HE brought home all A’s and B’s.”

“Well, David is different,” he retorted.

“How so?” his father asked.

“Cuz his parents are smart!”

One night a couple with their young daughter were watching TV and came across a scene were a couple were having sex. Curious, the daughter asked her mom what the two were doing. The mother replied, “They’re making cakes.” Satisfied, the child went to play.

Next day the couple with their daughter went to a zoo and came across a monkey exhibit. Inside, two monkeys were having sex. Curious, the daughter asked her mommy what the two monkey’s were doing and agian she replied, “They’re making cakes.” Satisfied, the child went on observing.

Next day the child went up to her mom and said, “Mommy, I know that you and Daddy made Cakes in the living room.”

Shocked, the mother replied, “How do you know that?”

The young child responded, “‘Cause I licked the icing off the couch.”

A question every woman asks herself daily:
“Why do men always have to act so stupid?”

Answer: “Who says they’re acting?”

Yo’ black ass mama is so black, when she jumps in the jacuzzi she makes coffee.

How did the blonde jump off the tower?
She had wings on her pad!

Three Trailer Trash brothers, Buford, Daryl and Daryl, go out on the lake fishin in a canoe. Purty soon, Daryl an Daryl get to rasslin in the canoe and sure enough it turns over. Now Buford he smart but he cain’t swim none, so he drowns while Daryl and Daryl they get picked up by Luke McCoy who is also out thar fishin.

The next day, Sheriff Will Harmon, he sends his deputy to bring Daryl and Daryl down to make positive identification on Buford’s body which a couple a froggers pulled out a the lake early this mornin. So thar on a gurney in the parkin lot aside the Sheriff’s office is the nekked remains a Buford, lyin on his back.

“That your brother Buford?” asks the Sheriff.

“Turn him over” says Daryl.

“Yeah, turn him over” says Daryl’s brother Daryl.

So even though Sheriff Will he don’t understand this none, he turns over Buford’s body.

“Nah, that there ain’t Buford” says Daryl.

“That cain’t be Buford”says Daryl’s brother Daryl.

“Why cain’t it be Buford?” asks Will Harmon.

“This guy only got one asshole” says Daryl.

“Yeah,” says Daryl’s brother Daryl. “Whenever we go into town, people always say, “Here comes Buford with the two assholes.”