Jokes News

This guy decides he’s going to play a little joke on his wife one day.

As she steps out of the shower, he grabs one of her tits and says “If you firmed these up a bit, you wouldn’t have to keep using your bra.”

He laughs and laughs. The next morning, he again catches her as she finishes her shower and grabs her ass and says “If you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn’t have to keep using your girdle.”

Again he laughs and laughs, while his wife plots her revenge.

The next morning as he steps out of the shower, his wife grabbed his dick and says, “If you firmed THIS up a bit, I wouldn’t have to keep using your brother.”

What’s the difference between a blonde and a barbed wire fence?

A barbed wire fence pricks a steer and a blonde steers a prick.

~I don’t have an attitude problem.
You have a perception problem.

~I’m not having hot flashes, I’m having power surges!

~I am Woman. I am Invincible. I am Tired!!!!

~Everyone has a right to be stupid.
Some just abuse the privilege.

~Young at Heart.
Slightly Older in Other Places.

~Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will show you a man who can’t get his pants off!

~Indecision is the key to flexibility.

~Having an out of body experience. Back in five.

~Time is Nature’s way of making sure that everything doesn’t happen all at once.

~If at first you don’t succeed, to heck with it.

~Do unto others………… then run.

~Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.

~I love deadlines.
I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

~If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

~It’s gonna be like threading a needle with a haystack.

~Am I getting smart with you? ….How would you know?

~Not one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.

~I loathe people who keep dogs.
They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.

~All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the Queen.

~My Reality Check bounced.