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What do you call 2 blondes in a Volkswagen?

Farfromthinking

One day a lady stopped at a gas station for gas. A few minutes later a spaceship landed and out came an alien and he started to pump fuel. The lady noticed the letters U.F.O. on the spaceship and asked the alien if U.F.O. stands for Unidentified Flying Object? The alien said no, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only.

There is this young attractive married woman who wants expensive jewelry, designer clothes and fast cars but her husband is not so well off. One day, she comes home late wearing a gold necklace. Her husband, who has been waiting for her, asks, “Where did you get that necklace.”

The woman says, “I won it at the bingo.”

Three days later, the woman again comes home late wearing a mink coat. Her husband asks, “Where did you get that mink coat?”

The woman says, “I won it at the bingo.”

A week later, the woman comes home driving a brand new Jaguar. Her husband asks with suspicion, “Where did you get that car? At the bingo?”

The woman snaps back, “Oh shut up! I’m too tired to talk to you! Why don’t you just be a good boy and prepare a hot bath for me. I need to relax.” The husband stomps off to the bathroom.

A few minutes later, the woman enters the bathroom only to find the bath tub with very little water. She calls for her husband and demands to know why the bath tub isn’t filled with water.

Her husband replies, “I don’t want your bingo card to get wet!”

There was this really horny guy, but he couldn’t ever find a girl who was desperate enough to fuck him. Depressed and sad he went to the local Whore House and asked the owner if she had anything. “Yes, for $20 you can have the ‘THING’ in the barn.” Thinking this was a great deal, he handed the owner $20 and went to the barn.

When he got to the barn there was only one living this there. It was a camel. So the guy (wanting to get his money’s worth) held onto the camel, put his dick up its ass and started humping it .

The next week, he was horny as hell (again.) So once again he went to the Whore House where he once again paid $20 and went to the barn. This time there was a chicken. Being as horny as he was, he caught the chicken, puts his penis into it and started humping it like no other.

This very desperate man came back the next week, as horny as ever. But this time the lady said,”For $20 you may go upstairs and watch!” Once again, the man paid $20 but this time he went upstairs.

When he got upstairs, there were several other men crowding around a window. “Hey! Let me see!” the man said as he pushed his way to the front only to find two completely naked women going at each other. “Man! They must be pretty desperate!” the man said in awe.

One of the other men replied, “That’s nothing! You should have been here last week. There was this guy fucking a chicken!”

1. Musical wheelchairs.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. Red rover red rover here comes the nurse bend over.
4. Pin the toupe on the bald guy.
5. Who am I?

Two drunks wander into a zoo after midnight, and end up standing in front of the Lion cage.

The Lion, who was asleep, hears them approach his cage and wakes up, of course. Not wishing to be stared at, he leashes out a couple of mighty roars.

One drunk starts to wander off, but the other drunk grabs his arm and says, “Whaddaya leaving for, Herbie? The picture’s just started!”

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and the Number One Thing Men Know About Women

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About eight years ago there was a kid named bort. He had no friends and wasn’t very smart.

His teacher, along with the principal knew how dumb he really was. Instead of giving him a lot of homework like the rest of the kids, his teacher told him to go home and think of three words to tell his teacher the next day.

He went home and watched T.V when he was watching T.V he decided to start his home work. He watched T.V. until he found a word he new how to spell. He was watching a rocket fly into space, so he heard one of the scientists say “take off” that was his first word.

1.Take Off

He went into his bedroom, and played with his toys, such as demented dwarves, fake puke, and a zebra. Since he slept with his Zebra, he decided to add “Zebra” to his list

1. Take off
2. Zebra

Now it was on to his final word. His dad came home with a slut and went into the bedroom. Bort stood out side the door of his dad’s bedroom, and heard words like, ouch, baby, gargle, gargle, oh yeah, suck me, hard, stiff, and other words. So since bort’s dad always called bort a baby, bort decided to use the word “baby”. He went to his teacher the next day and told her what the three wods were she said “tell me” so he said “take off zebra baby”.

If you didn’t understand that it was take off ze bra baby, as in take off your bra baby.

Why did Mrs.Clinton want Mr. Clinton to start playing the saxophone again?

So he would quit thinking about that horemonica