Jokes News

The new husband had booked sleeping arrangements on the train, thinking he was going to have a roomette or compartment, only to find out he was on one side of the sleeping car in an upper bunk, and his wife was in another one across the aisle from him.

About Midnight, he started feeling “married,” so he whispered to his wife, “Hey, Honey. Hey, Honey, why don’t you come over here?”

His wife whispered back, “Well, Honey, how will I get over there?”

“Don’t worry! I’ve got something here you can ‘walk’ on!”

In answer to that, a fellow in the lower berth said, “Yeah, but how in Hell is she going to get back?”

This guy went to a tatoo parlor and told the tatooist that he would pay the guy 1 thousand dollars to tatoo a 100 dollar bill on his dick.

The tatooist agrees but is suspicious of why he would want that, so he asks the man why. The man answers ” I have my reasons” So the tatooist tatoos the 100 dollar bill on the mans dick, but still wants to know why, so he tells the guy, ” You can keep the money if you tell me why you want a 100 dollar bill tatooed on your shlong.”

The man says,” Okay, I have three reasons, first of all, I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and last, next time my wife says she gonna blow a 100 dollars, she can stay home and do it!.”

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So, they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve
decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost.”

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man and, after the scientist was done talking, God said, “Very well, how about this. Let’s have a man-making contest.”

The scientist replied, “Okay, great!”

God added, “Now, we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”

The scientist said, “Sure, no problem.” He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God just looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!”

A blonde and a redhead, are walking down the streetand pass a flowershop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buyingflowers. The Redhead sighs and says: "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again." The blonde looks quizzically at her and says: "You

does masterbation affect your brain? does it kills nuetrons or something

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my friend is doin better then me and i need really good ones 2 beat her

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A gang of robbers burst into the bank and ordered everyone present to gather into the open space, to strip and lie down on the floor before they proceeded to get the money from the tellers’ drawers and the bank’s vault.

A frightened blonde teller took off all her clothes and then lay face up on the floor.

“Psst, Cindy, turn over,” hissed a woman beside the blonde. “This is a stick-up, not an office party!”

A man goes over to Japan on a business trip.

That night he decides he would like a bit of action so he goes down to the local brothel.

Finally he picks a young lass and takes her back to the room, strips off and starts banging away.

After about two minutes the young girl starts yelling HIROSHI HIROSHI HIROSHI.

The man hears this and thinks to himself, this must be a Japanese word for wonderful or something to that effect.

So the next morning he goes golfing with a prospective Japanese client.

The client tees off and gets a hole-in-one, so the business man, remembering what he heard the night before, starts yelling HIROSHI HIROSHI HIROSHI.

The japanese client turns around and yells,

“EH WHAT YOU MEAN WRONG HOLE?!”

I'm talkin rude,disgusting, vile, or just plain WRONG!

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Now young conservative say your prayers so that when you grow up you can lie, steal, cheat, and murder your way through life. Good night my little one.

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