Two elderly men are out driving in a large car, and both can barely see over the dashboard. As they are cruising along they come to an intersection. The stoplight is red but they just go sailing on through. The man in the passenger seat thinks to himself, “I must be losing my mind. I swear we just went through a red light.” They come to another intersection and the light is red again, but again they go right through. By this time the passenger is getting nervous and decides to pay attention to the road and the next intersection to see what is going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light is definitely red and they go right through. He turns to the man behind the wheel and says, “Ed! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!” Ed turns to his friend and says, “Oh, am I driving?”

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A young man goes into a store and asks the clerk for a nice Polish sausage.

The clerk looks at him and asks, “Are you Polish?”.

The young man says “Yes I am, but if I’d asked for an Italian sausage, would you have asked if I was Italian, or if I’d asked for a German sausage, would you have asked if I was German, or if I’d asked for tacos, would you have asked if I was Mexican?”

The clerk seemed a bit embarassed. “Well, no I wouldn’t”, he replied.

“Then why would you ask me if I was Polish just because I asked for a Polish sausage?” said the man.

“Well,” said the clerk, “because this is a hardware store.”

In New York, a homeless man walking into Grand Central Station saw a sign that read “Wet Floor.” So he did.