Q. Do you know the difference between crazy and insane?

A. It’s whether you admit it or not.

Once there was a duck and he walked in to a pharmacy and said,”Got any grapes?” to the Pharmacist.
The Pharmacist, confused, said, “We don’t sell grapes here, this is a pharmacy”.

So the duck left.
One day later the duck came back and asked the same question: “Got any grapes?”
The Pharmacist then replied, “We don’t sell grapes here”.
So the duck left.

Three days later the duck returned and ask for grapes again. The pharmacist was furious; he screamed, “We don’t sell grapes here! This is a pharmacy. The next time you come in here and ask for grapes I’m going to nail your feet to the floor”.
So the duck left.

One week later, the duck slowly came into the same pharmacy, went up to the same Pharmcist and said quietly, “Got any nails?”

“No, we don’t sell nails here,” said the pharmacist.

“Good. Got any grapes?”

A man and his wife were having sex, and when they finished he threw the condom out the window. The wife instantly yelled at him saying that a kid could find it.

The man went out looking for it but couldn’t find it. Then, he saw a kid. He asked the kid if he might have found anything that belonged to him. The kid replied that he only found a twinkie. The man offered $5 for the twinkie.

When the kid returned home, his mom asked him where he got the money. He said, “I sold a twinkie to a man, but the joke’s on him, I sucked out the cream filling!”

Stopped at traffic light, the gray beard biker stared wide-eyed at a punk rocker crossing the street in front of him. The kid was a helluva sight. The punker had green, orange, yellow, and blue hair, elaborately waxed up into tall spikes sprouting from the top of his head.

Seeing the old biker staring at him, the punk rocker stopped and said, “Hey, whatcha lookin’ at, man? Didn’t you ever do anythin’ excitin’ in your life when you were younger?”

“Hell, yeah, I sure did,” said the biker, “and that’s what worries me — ya see, about 20 years ago, I fucked a peacock, and I’m thinking ya might be one of my kids.”

Q: How many Deadheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None. They just follow it around for 30 years thinking it’s still lit.

Q: How many stoners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: 20. One to hold the bulb, and 19 to huff until the room spins.

Q: How many stoners does it take to tell a good joke?

A: Um… I forgot