Jokes News

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws.

At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then the man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. By this time, everyone had left the bar and driven off.

Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. However, the police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0.

The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. With a smile on his face, the driver replied, “Tonight, I’m the designated decoy!”

A girl burdened by a wood eye was always made fun of as a child. She was always called “woodeye”.

So at her prom after being rejected for the last time she thought to herself, “Okay I am gonna ask this one last guy to dance and if he makes fun of me he is gonna get smacked.”

So as she approached the nerdiest boy in school she asked, “Would you like to dance?”

In reply the boy yelled, “WOULD I!!”

“SMACK!!!!!” =)

YOUR BREATH SMELLs SO BAD, WHEN YOU BREATH YOUR TEETH TAKE COVER

should you be scared? What does that mean? Why would he say that?

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Here's a riddle: If a red house is made of red bricks, a black house is made of black bricks, a blue house is made of blue bricks, and a white house is made of white bricks, what is a greenhouse made of? (it's better if it's spoken, when you get the answe

A young man went to the doctor with a little problem. When he undressed for the examination, the doctor was shocked to find that the man’s arsehole was about a foot wide and down to his knees.

The doctor with a smirk and snigger said, “How did that happen?”

“Well,” the man said, “I just returned from Africa and I was raped by the Kuingi Woongi Elephant.”

The doctor looked at him and said, “You’re a liar!! I once did some research on the Kuingi Woongi Elephant and they have very long penises but they are as thin as a pencil. That is not caused by one of them!”

“True!” the man said. “But he fingered me first.”

How can you tell a blonde used your computer?

There is White Out on the screen.

A car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway.

He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trenchcoats. The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. One of the worst pile-ups in history occurs.

When questioned by police why he put two deviates along the side of the road, the man replied, “I broke down and was just using my emergency flashers!”

Why do you rarely see mathematicians in beaches??

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approx., at least....

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