Jokes News

Why women are like toilets?

They either are taken or they are full of shit!!!

There is a new Commander of a military base and the captain is showing him around the buildings. After he has made the rounds, the Commander looks at the captain and says, “Wait a minute. You haven’t shown me that blue building over there. What’s that used for?”

The Captain says, “Well sir, you see there are no women around. Whenever the men feel in need of a woman, they go there and use the camel…”

“Enough!” says the Commander in disgust.

Well, two weeks later, the Commander starts to feel in need of a woman. He goes to the Captain and says, “Tell me something, Captain.” Lowering his voice and glancing around, he asks, “Is the camel free anytime soon?”

The captain says, “Well, let me see.” He opens up his book. “Why yes, sir, the camel is free tomorrow afternoon at two o’clock.” The Commander asks to be put down for that time.

So the next day at two o’clock, the Commander goes to the little blue building and opens the door. Inside, he finds the cutest camel he’s ever seen. Right next to the camel is a little step stool, so he closes the door behind him and puts the step stool directly behind the camel.

He stands on the stool and drops his pants, and begins to have sex with the camel. A minute later the Captain walks in.

“Ahem, begging your pardon, sir,” says the Captain, “but wouldn’t it be wiser to ride the camel into town and find a woman like all the other men?”

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it.

So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning.

He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to
work. “Boss”, he said, “The pill actually worked!”

“That’s all fine,” said the boss, “But where were you yesterday and the day before?”

Q: How are Monica Lewinsky and the Bermuda Triangle alike?

A: They both swallow a lot of seamen.

One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, “Now don’t forget to use wooden spoons.”

As I stirred my sauce, I contempleted the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory. “Why wooden spoons?” I asked.

“Because, she replied, “if I have to sit here listening to all your metal spoons banging against metal pots, I’d go nuts!”