Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, “I think my husband’s like a championship golfer. He’s spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke.”

The second woman said, “My husband’s like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed, he gives me several hundred exciting laps.”

The third woman was silent until she was asked, “Tell us about your husband.”

She thought for a moment and said, “My husband’s like an Olympic gold-medal-winning-quarter-miler.”

“How so?”

“He’s got his time down to under 40 seconds.”

Why’d the pervert cross the road?

He had his dick in the chicken!

A priest and a rabbi walked into a bar. After sitting down, ordering, and some chit chat, the priest said, “Have you noticed that there are no women in this bar?” He then realized the truth, “I think we’re in a gay bar.”

A man approached and tried to flirt with the priest. The priest was dumbfounded, and didn’t know quite what to do. The rabbi leaned over and whispered something in the man’s ear.

The man nodded and walked off.

The relieved priest said, “Thanks. What did you tell him?”

The rabbi replied, “I just told him we’re on our honeymoon.”

Your mama so stupid she brought a spoon to the super bowl!

Q. What is the blonde mating call?
A. “Oh God, I’m so drunk!”

Q. What is the ugly blonde mating call?
A. “I SAID, ‘I’m so drunk!!’”