One day, while President Clinton was at “work” in the oval office, a secret service agent comes in and says, “Mister Clinton , I’ve got bad news, good news, and worse news. The bad news is there is a protest outside for your resignation as president, the good news is there’s only one protester.”

Clinton replies, “So what’s the really bad news?”

The agent says, “It’s Gore sir.”

One day God, Jesus and Moses are playing a round of golf. Jesus and Moses have both hit respectable 250+ yard drives on a par 4 with abundant water hazards.

God takes his hit; lots of power in the stroke but he hooks badly, and the ball soars toward a deep pond. As it hits the surface, a trout rises beneath it to take a fly; the ball bounces off its head and deflects into the rough. A rabbit which was grazing peacefully there sees the ball land beside him, picks it up in his mouth and scampers off along the fairway. An eagle cruising above spots the bunny and after a steep power dive with talons flashing seizes the rabbit, and the unfortunate rodent is carried aloft. The eagle flies a perfect course towards the green, and just before it reaches the hole the heavens part and a bolt of lightning strikes the bird. The shock causes it to drop the rabbit, which lands on the green two feet from the pin. Stunned by the impact of the ground breaking his fall, the rabbit opens his mouth, the ball rolls out and trickles into the cup for a hole in one.

And Jesus says, “Aw dad, it’s only a game!”

This is the discussion of two men talking about the end of the world:

Man 1: What would you do if you knew the world was going to end in twenty minutes?

Man 2: Hell, I’d fuck anything that moves. What would you do?

Man 1: I’d stand perfectly still.

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