Jokes News

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until the priest, overcome with curiosity, approached her. “Sister, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.

“Why, yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money, and what I don’t need, I give to the church.”

“That’s wonderful. How much does he send you?”

“Oh, $2,000 a week.”

“Your son is very successful. What does he do for a living?”

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered

“That is a very honorable profession. Where does he practice?”

“Well, he has one cat house in Kansas City and another in Dallas.”

Inventions by Blondes
=–=

– The water-proof towel
– Glow in the dark sunglasses
– Solar powered flashlights
– Submarine screen doors
– A book on how to read
– Inflatable dart boards
– A dictionary index
– Mechanical Pencil sharpeners
– Powdered water
– Pedal-powered wheel chairs
– Waterproof tea bags
– Watermelon seed sorter
– Zero proof alcohol
– Reuseable ice cubes
– See-through toilet tissue
– Skinless bananas
– Do-it-yourself road map
– Turnip ice cream
– Toe implants
– An all white flag
– Rolls Royce pickup truck

Don and Mario went to spend a weekend in the forest, hunting bear.

They hired a log cabin, and when they got there, took their backpacks off and put them inside.

“You unpack while I go and find us a bear,” Don says to Mario.

The analyst finished unpacking and then went and sat outside to await events.

He did not have to wait too long. Soon he could hear noises in the forest. The noise grew nearer…and suddenly there was the salesman, running across the clearing toward the cabin, pursued by one of the largest and most ferocious brown bears Mario had ever seen.

“Open the door! shouted Don.

Mario opened the door.

Don ran to the door, suddenly stopped, and then stepped aside, toreador-fashion. The bear, carried by its momentum, continued though the door and disappeared inside.

Don promptly shut the door behind him, turned, and as he started running back into the woods, shouted

“OK, Mario, you skin that one while I go rustle us up another.”

Yo momma like a garbage can, she gets dumped every week.

A young college girl is studying in the library for a final exam when she is approached by a very tall and attractive young man.

He sits down next to her and interrupts her study every five minutes or so to ask her questions. After about an hour of studying, and being interrupted, the young girl realizes that the young man is an idiot, and decides to go back to her room to study.

As she stands up to leave, the young man asks her if she would like to go with him to a party at his fraternity house. She politely refuses, but he continues to pester her and demands to know why not.

“I’m sorry, but there just isn’t any Chemistry between us,” she explains kindly.

“Well, what do you mean by that?” he asks.

Exasperated, she looks him dead in the eyes and says, “Let me put it to you this way… You’re not getting into the lab!”

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

“Roberto”