Jokes News

Q: What is common between Monica Lewinsky and Asama Bin Laden ?

A: They are both screwed by Bill Clinton.

What are 3 words you don’t want to hear when you’re making love?

Honey, I’m home!

You are at work and this guy comes up to you and says, “Your hair smells good.”
Do you think that is sexual harassment?

What if he was a midget?!?!

What’s the similarity between a woman and a plane?

They both have cockpits!

Henry was walking down a country road when he saw two sheep having sex. He really didn’t think anything of it, so he walked down the road a little further and saw a man having sex with a sheep. Henry was shocked, but he was more shocked to see a little boy watching the whole incident from nearby.

“You shouldn’t be seeing such things!” Henry told the boy.

The little boy turned and said, “Don’t worry, that’s just my Daa-a-a-a-ad.”

Q: What is the difference between the Spice girls and a Porno movie?

a: The Porno has better music.

What did the blonde’s right leg say to her left leg?
Nothing they’ve never met!!!!

An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, “I’ve some bad new for you … you have the cancer and it can’t be cured. I’d give you two weeks to a month.”

Murphy shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor’s office into the waiting room.

There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, “Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t so well. I have cancer and I’ve been given a short time to live. Let’s head for the pub and have a few pints. After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers.

They were eventually approached by some of Murphy’s old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad… He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end.

He told his friends, “I’ve only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS.” The friends gave Murphy their condolences and they had a couple more beers.

After his friends left, Murphy’s son leaned over and whispered his confusion, “Dad I thought you said that you were dying from cancer? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS?”

Murphy said, “I am dying from cancer, son, I just don’t want any of them sleeping with your mother after I’m gone.”

Two lesbians walk into a bar, and take a seat on a couple of barstools. After a moment, the bartender notices them, and comes over.

“We’ll have a couple of 14 year-old’s,” says one of them.
The bartender looks at them disgustedly, and says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors to liquors.”

Preserve wildlife:

Pickle a squirrel