Jokes News

A woman’s car breaks down on the Interstate one day, so she carefully eases it over onto the shoulder, steps out of the car, and opens the trunk.

Out jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the vehicle, where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, one of the worst pile-ups in the history of this highway occurs. It’s not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What the hell is going on here?”

“My car broke down,” says the lady, calmly.

“Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?” screams the cop.

“Those are my emergency flashers!”

Two sweethearts, Bob and Carol, were told to individually write a sentence using the words ’sex’ and ‘love.’

Carol wrote, ‘When two people love each other very much, like Bob and I, it is morally acceptable for them to engage in sex.’

Bob wrote, ‘I love sex.’

Jack is thrilled when his boss presents him with a ticket to
the Super Bowl, but when he finds his seat, he’s in the last row of a far corner of the stadium.

After the opening kickoff, Jack is trying to follow the action on the field through his binoculars when he spots an empty seat about ten rows up on the fifty yard line.

Figuring he has nothing to lose, he sneaks past the ushers and security guards, and makes his way down to the empty seat.

“Excuse me”, he says to the man beside it, “Is this seat taken?”

“No, you might as well sit down,” says the man.

“This is unbelievable!” says Jack. “Who wouldn’t show up for the Super Bowl with a seat like this?”

“Actually, the seat belongs to me,” replies the man. “My wife was a great fan and she was supposed to be here with me today, but, rest her soul, she passed away.”

“That’s so sad,” says Jack. “Couldn’t you find anyone to use the seat today…a friend…a relative?”

“No,” says the man. “They’re all at the funeral.”

What do you get when you put Monica Lewinsky and Tonto in a car together?

A blown engine.

A young couple were on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make; the reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat chested. If the guy wishes to cancel the wedding, it is okay with her. The guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she is flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.

Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wants to make a confession; he said below his waist, it is just like a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, it is okay with him. The girl thought about it for a while and said that she does not mind, and she also believed there are other things far more important than sex in a marriage.

They were happy that they were honest with each other. They went on to Vegas and got married.

On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes; she is as flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his clothes. After one glance at the guy’s naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.

When she became conscious, the guy asked, “I told you before we got married. Why did you still faint?”

The girl said, “You told me it was just like a baby.”

The guy replied, “It is! 8 pounds and 21 inches long.”

what do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Take the pin out and throw it back!

Princess Diana and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they’ll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there’s only one space left for that day, so St.Peter asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why she should go to heaven, so she takes off her top and says, “Look at these. They’re the most perfect ones God ever created, and I’m sure it will please him to be able to see them every day for eternity.” St. Peter thanks Dolly, and asks Diana the same question. Diana drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it. St. Peter says, “OK, Diana, you may go in. Have a nice day.”

Dolly is outraged. She screams, “What was that all about? I show you two of God’s own creations - she performs a disgusting, pornographic act, and she gets in and I don’t?!!!”…

“Sorry, Dolly, but a royal flush beats a pair, any day.”

Q: What did Monica do at the White house?

A: Bill Clinton.

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, she has been told twice.

Q. How is a blonde and a racetrack alike?

A. Everbody has burnt their rubber on them.