Jokes News

Q: DID YOU KNOW THAT THE DISCIPLES ALL RODE IN A HONDA?

A: YES IT’S TRUE THE BIBLE SAYS THEY WERE ALL TOGETHER IN ONE ACCORD.

A woman carrying her baby boarded a bus. When the bus driver saw the baby she was carrying, he remarked carelessly, “What an ugly baby!”

Flustered, the woman hurriedly dropped her coins into the fare box and stomped angrily to the back of the bus. She took her seat beside a middle-aged clergyman who noticed that she was upset and close to tears. He asked her solicitously, “What’s the matter? Is something wrong?”

“That bus driver just insulted me!” she said holding back her tears.

“Why, he’s a public servant and he had no right to do that.”

“You know, you’re right!” she agreed. “I’m going there right now and give him a piece of my mind!”

“That’s the spirit!” said the clergyman. “Here, let me hold your monkey for you.”

Here’s one for the women:
ADD a bed SUBTRACT your clothes DIVIDE your legs so we can MULTIPLY.

Yo mama got more extensions than AT&T.

Yo mama so fat her blood type is rocky road.

Yo mama so old when Moses parted the Red Sea she was taking a swim.

Yo family so black if they hold hands they look like a stretch limo.

Yo mama so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a phone company.

Yo mama so fat she wore black and white and evryone started screaming Free Willy.

Yo mama so bald headed when she gets in the shower she gets brain washed .

Yo mama so bald if she wears a turtle neck she looks like a busted condom.

Yo mama so fat to have sex with her you have to slap her thigh and ride the wave in.

Yo mama so ugly I took her to a dog show….. She won.

Yo mama so ugly you can press her face in dough and make gorilla cookies.

Yo mama so nasty she only changes her underwear evey 3000 miles.

Yo mama so stupid she gave your uncle a blow job to help his unemployment.

Yo mama house so small the welcome mat only says wel.

Yo house so small I dropped my hanky and there was all 2 wall carpet …..In every room.

The government wont let your mom wear an X jacket because helicopters keep landing on her back.

Yo mama so fat after sex she smokes ham.

Yo mama has a vibrator ……with a gas engine.

Yo mama got a glass eye and always saying I’ll keep an eye out for you.

Q: What do you have when you have one green ball in your left hand and one green ball in your right hand?

A: Kermit the Frog doing anything you say.

Grayce
Her name was “Grayce”, she was one of the best_
That night I put her up to the test_.
I looked at her with gay delight_
God, I knew she was mine for tonight_.
The night was dark, the lights were dim_
I was excited, my heart missed a beat_
For I knew I was in for a damn good treat_.

I’d see her stripped, I’d see her bare_
I felt her over everywhere
I got inside her, she screamed with joy
That was the first night, boy oh boy
I got up quickly, quick as i could
I handled her gently, I knew she was good

Then on her back I also tried_.
She was just one big thrill
The best in the land.
That “Twin Engine Bomber” of the Coast Command “Grayce”

Hillary Clinton has stated that she is completely supportive of her husband.

As a matter of fact, to show her support she assigned a new intern for him– Lorena Bobbit

Tony and Giuseppi were on the dock watching the fleet coming into port. Floating past, high in the water, was a submarine.

Tony pointed to it and said, “Is that a U-Boat?”

And Giuseppi replied, “No, that’s-a not-a my boat.”

An Indian walked into the whorehouse and approached the woman at the counter. He said, “Me wantum girl!”

“Do you have money?” (woman)
“Plenty money.” (Indian)
“Do you have experience?” (woman)
“No experience.” (Indian)
“Then I suggest that you go out and get some experience before returning.” (woman)

So the Indian went out and to gain experience, he began to hump every hole in every tree he could find. One week later he went back to the whorehouse.

“Well then, your woman is up in room 307!” (woman)

So the Indian went up to room 307! When he saw the woman he said, “Takem clothes off!” She did. “Bendem over!” She did. Then he took a giant 2×4 and smacked her on the ass!

“What the Hell did you do that for?” The woman asked.
The Indian replied, “Getem bumble bees out!”