Jokes News

A man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes he has stayed too late and is in for trouble when he gets home.

“No problem,” says his friend, “Do what I do to my wife. Sneak into the bedroom, crawl up under the blanket between her legs and do a little oral sex! She’ll forget all about being mad and fall right asleep.”

So the guy gets home to a dark, quiet house. He creeps in as quietly as he can and tiptoes into his bedroom. Following his friend’s advice, he proceeds under the blanket and does the deed to gentle moaning and, finally, soft snoring.

Quite pleased with himself, he heads to the bathroom to change his clothes, when he is startled by the sight of his wife sitting on the bowl. “Shhhhhhhh…” she says, “Mother’s in town…”

A Polish guy has never had sex, and he gets into bed on his wedding night.

His wife gets naked, sits on the bed, and says, “Do you know what I want?”

He says, “No.”

She gets in bed, spreads her legs wide, and says, “Now do you know what I want?”

He says, “Yeah…you want the whole fucking bed to yourself.”