Jokes News

15 Things NOT to Say When Youare Pulled Over
15. No, YOU assume the position.
14. I’m surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
13. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?
12. No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I’m not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.
11. No, I don’t know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph.
10. Back off, Barney, I’ve got a piece.
9. Want to race to the station, Sparky?
8. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!
7. On the way to the station let’s get a six pack.
6. You’ll never get those cuffs on me. . . You Homo!
5. Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
4. Hey, wasn’t your daughter a porn queen?
3. How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
2. Hey officer is that your nightstick, or are you just glad tosee me?
1. What do you use those rubber gloves for, anyway?

A Greek gentleman, eating in a Chinese restaurant, ordered fried rice, and the waiter, smiling and courteous, said, “Ah, yes, flied lice.”

This struck the diner as excruciatingly funny and he ordered fried rice whenever he came in just to hear the waiter say, “flied lice”—-at which he would laugh heartily. He took to bringing in friends so that they might her this, too, and little by little the waiter realized he was a source of fun and mockery.

Well, waiters have their feelings, too. This one took his life savings and invested it in a course on elocution and public speaking, and one day when the Greek gentleman arrived with several of his friends and ordered fried rice, the waiter said blandly, “Ah, yes, fr-r-ried r-r-rice.”

And as the Greek sat there nonplussed, the Chinese waiter cried out in triumph, “How you like that, you Gleek plick?”