Jokes News

What did the blonde say when the doctor told her she was going to have a baby?

“OH?…Is it mine?”

Q: How is a Blonde like a vacuum cleaner?

A: She sucks, blows, and gets laid in the closet.

A fellow was sitting in the doctor’s waiting room, and said to himself every so often, “Lord I hope I’m sick!”

After about the 5th or 6th time, the receptionist couldn’t stand it any longer and asked, “Why in the world would you want to be sick, Mr. Adams?”

The man replied, “I’d hate to be well & feel like this!”

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A: Slap her

Q. What’s the difference between a male slut and a female slut?

A. A smile and a slap.

SCHIZOPHRENIA:
Do you Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
We Three Queens Disoriented Are

DEMENTIA:
I Think I’ll Be Home for Christmas

NARCISSISTIC:
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

MANIC:
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and..

PARANOID:
Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER:
You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll tell you Why…

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER:
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock…………(better start again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY:
On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me

You know your a redneck when you mow your lawn and you find your car.

A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s side and groom’s side).

While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar…

So it went: step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear….”

What do blondes and roads have in common?

They both have manholes!