Jokes News

Hickory, Dickory, Dock!
Your wife was suckin my cock!
The clock struck two,
I dropped my goo,
and kicked the bitch down the block!

This guy is walking through ChinaTown. He is fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. He is having the best time just walking and looking. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign, “Hans Olafsen’s Laundry”.

“Hans Olaffsen?”, he thinks. “How in the world does that fit in here?” So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, “Please forgive the intrusion, sir, but I’m fascinated by the name of your business. How did it happen that a Chinese-owned business has a name like Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?”

The old man answers, “Is name of owner.”

The visitor asks, “Amazing - may I speak with the owner?”

“I am he.”

“You? Please forgive my curiosity: You appear to be a full-blooded Asian - was your father Scandinavian?”

The old man replied, “No. Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and say, ‘What your name?’ He say ‘Hans Olaffsen.’ When she finish with him, she look at me and ask, ‘What *your* name?’

I say, ‘Sam Ting.’”

1.) Start with the given:
Cute purple dinosaur.

2.) Convert U’s to V’s (Which is proper latin anyway)
Cvte pvrple dinosavr

3.) Take out all Roman numerals.
C V V L D I V

4.) Convert them
100 5 5 50 500 1 5

5.) Add them up
100+5+5+50+500+1+5=666

Thus barney is SATAN!!!!

About 1966 or so, a NASA team doing work for the Apollo Moon Mission, took the astronauts near Tuba City where the terrain of the Navajo Reservation looks very much like the lunar surface. Alone, with all the trucks and large vehicles, there were two large figures dressed in full lunar space suits.

Nearby, a Navajo sheep herder and his son were watching the strange creatures walk about, occasionally being tended by personnel. The two Navajo peple were noticed and approached by the NASA personnel.

Since the man did not know English, his son asked what the strange creatures were, and the NASA people told them that they are just men that are getting ready to go to the moon. The older man became very excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.

The NASA personnel thought this was a great idea, so they rustled up a tape recorder. After the man gave them his message, they asked his son to translate. His son would not.

Later, they tried to get a few more people on the reservation to translate, and every person they asked would chuckle and then refuse to translate.

Finally, with cash in hand, someone translated the message, “Watch out for these guys. They come to take your land!”

Drew Carey opens up his paycheque & says, “Those idiots! It says Drew Fairy! They messed up my name again! Last week it said ‘Screw Carey’.”

His friend Lewis takes a look at the amount on Drew’s cheque & says, “Looks like it’s ’screw Carey’ every week!”

Vinnie goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, but isn’t fully convinced. The store assistant comes along and shows him how to use them, so he buys them.

On his way home, Vinnie puts on his new x-ray glasses and, bingo, he sees everyone in the street naked! He takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back on…everyone is naked again! “Cool!”

As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new toy to his wife, but can’t find her. He goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and some guy, naked in bed. He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked. He puts them back on, and they are STILL naked.

Vinnie gets disgusted and says, “Damn, I just paid fifty bucks for these, and they’re already broken!”

John receives a phone call. “Hello,” he answers.

The voice on the other end says, “This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago.”

John: “Hmm… Susan? About 3 months ago?”

Susan: “Yes, it was at Bill’s house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport.”

John: “Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?”

Susan: “I’m pregnant and I’m going to kill myself.”

John: “Say, you ARE a good sport!”

Q.) If I brought my donkey over to see your rooster and my donkey ate your rooster what would we have?

A.) Your cock in my ass