Jokes News

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and reltate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boy called upon walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

“It’s a period”, said the little boy.

“Well, I can see that”, she said, “but what is so exciting about a period?”

“Damned if I know”, said the little boy, “But this morning my sister was missing one, daddy had a heart attack, mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself!”

After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

His obnoxious brother………………………….Please Gogh

His dizzy aunt ……………………………….Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes……………………..Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store…….Stopn Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia…………………U Gogh

The brother who bleached his clothes white……….Hue Gogh

The cousin from Illinois……………………….Chica Gogh

His magician uncle…………………………….Wherediddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin…………………………….Amee Gogh

The Mexican cousin’s American half brother……….Grin Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach………………Wellsfar Gogh

The constipated uncle …………………………Cant Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt………………………Tan Gogh

The bird lover uncle…………………………..Flamin Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst……………………….E Gogh

The fruit loving cousin………………………..Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking…………….Wayto Gogh

The little bouncy nephew……………………….Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco……………………….Go Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in a van……Winnie Bay Gogh

Q. How does a New Zealander find a sheep in long grass?

A. Very pleasurable

A lesbian couple recently built a house together. It was a unique design….. all tongue and groove, no studs involved.

1. If you pay dues on a tatoo.

2. If you’ve been on the news five times explaining what the tornado did.

3. If people often come to your door thinking you were having a yardsale.

4. If you mow your yard and find a car.

5. If you hear the term “modem” and think of what you did to your roses last week.

6. If you see a sign that says “Say no to crack” and it reminds you to pull your pants up.

7. If an officer asks to see your I.D. and you show him your belt buckle.

8. If you go to a family reunion to meet women.

9. If you walk your son to class because you’re in the same grade.

10. If you have a cowbell hooked to your dog’s collar… you just might be a rednck.

Einstein’s Theory of Relativity: The number of relatives you have will vary exponentially with the amount of money you win in the lottery.

There are 2 gay guys in the bathroom pissing in the urinals.

One of the gay guys looks at the other guys dick and sees a Nicorette patch on it.

He tells his gay friend, “Hey man, you’re supposed to put that on your shoulder, not your dick.”

So the gay friend says, “Hey, its working for me, I’m down to 2 butts a day.”

Why can’t you gamble in Africa?

Because of all the Cheetahs.

What is a dumb blonde’s favorite prime time show on Thursday?

Give up? ERRRRRRR (ER!)

At a convention of biological scientists’ one researcher remarks to another, “Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?”

“Really?” the other replied, “Why did you switch?”

“Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don’t get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won’t do.

However, sometimes it very hard to extrapolate our test results to human beings.”