Jokes News

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.

A man was doing a study of children’s senses in a first grade class using a bowl of lifesavers. He had the children put on a blindfold and identify the flavors. They began..cherry, red in color, lime, green in color, orange, orange in color.

Then the man put in some honey flavored lifesavers and asked the children to identify that flavor. The kids couldn’t guess what the flavor was so the man said he would give them a hint.

He said, “It is something your mother might call your father.”

Suddenly one little girl shouted, “Everyone spit them out; they’re assholes!”

One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she whispered in his ear.

“It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50!”