Jokes News

A midget sidles up to a tall blonde and says, “Hey, what do you say to a little fuck?”

She says, “Hello, you Little Fuck.”

A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance:
1. a woman
2. a donkey
3. a shovel
4. a fish
5. a Star of David

They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols.
They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings. The president of their society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said: “This looks like a
woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them
till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish, which means that if they had a famine, whereby the food didn’t grow, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.”
The audience applauded enthusiastically and the president smiled and said, “I’m glad to see that you are all in full agreement with our interpretations.”

Suddenly a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said, “I object to every word. The explanation of what the writings say is quite simple. First of all, everyone knows that Hebrews don’t read from left
to right, but from right to left…….Now, look again……It now says:
“Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that woman.”

Alex was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen.

One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the TV.

“HEY!” Alex shouted, “what do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m sick of sports, I’m sick of TV,” she replied. “You haven’t touched me in months. We’re going to talk about sex right now!”

“OK, OK. So,” he asked after a moment, “how often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?”

There were three students in a classroom. A white boy, a black boy, and a Mexican boy. The teacher said, “Now, everybody make a sentence using the words chees and liver.”

The white boy went first and said, “Last night for dinner I ate some cheese and liver.”

Then the black boy said, “My brother stole some cheese and got shot in the liver.”

Last, the Mexican boy said, “Cheese me sister so liver alone.”